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Dec 13, 2024
Russia Hacks Wi-Fi Network By Simply Asking Nearby Biden Laptop for the Password
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Dec 13, 2024
Elon Musk Responds ‘I Seriously Doubt That’ To Questions About Lithium Mines In Alien Movies
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Dec 13, 2024
Study Shows Breath Mint Lasting Longer Than Rivian Stock
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Dec 3, 2024
Six Airlines File For Bankruptcy While Pete Buttigieg Files For Maternity Leave
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Dec 3, 2024
Man Sitting In Freedom Chair Confident He'll Work From Home Long Enough To Justify $1,200 Price Tag
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Dec 3, 2024
NIMBYs Sue Verizon As City Now Permanently Shows Headphone Icon
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Dec 3, 2024
AI Drawn to Creepiest Organizations, Sparks Strange Events at Apple and Disney
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Dec 3, 2024
"How Can We Stop This Group?" Asks DOJ Official Not Charging Hunter Biden
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Dec 2, 2024
Scared Lady Unsure If $30 Activist T-Shirt Will Turn Violent Bigots Away
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Dec 2, 2024
Very Honest VPN Ad Simply Says, 'Commit Crimes With Us'
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Dec 2, 2024
Woman Threatens to Ditch Apple Over Discovery That Notes Transcribes Everything
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Dec 2, 2024
Apple Notes To Roll Out New Feature Allowing Users To Bold Text Also
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Dec 2, 2024
Beta Testers Ecstatic About Ben Rubin's New Video Call App 'Houseparty'
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Dec 2, 2024
Democracy Depends on Creators Extensively Paid by Democrats
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Nov 21, 2024
Addressing Election Cycle Glitches, Scientists Call For Taking PS5s Apart And Then Putting Them Back Together
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Nov 21, 2024
Man Proud to Report He Followed Blue Apron Recipe Without His Wife's 'Help'
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Nov 21, 2024
Perplexity AI: Making the World Better by Rewriting Your Articles in a Surprisingly Worse Way
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Nov 21, 2024
Missourians Passionately Vote For Abortion After Discovering Someone They Don't Like Is Against It
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Nov 21, 2024
Mark Zuckerberg Wakes Up Screaming After Dreaming VR Chat Is Real
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Nov 21, 2024
Patriots Excited To See All Candidates For Speaker Begin New, Unifying Tradition Of Inciting Threads Of Extremist Battle-Cry
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Nov 21, 2024
LifeBot Tells Man He Either Has Zero Notifications Or He Is No Longer Alive
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Nov 21, 2024
16-Year Search For World's Most Mysterious Song Ends With 'The Most Mid Song Ever'
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Nov 21, 2024
‘This Is Uncivilized,’ Declares Customer Wielding Stick and Cash Like a True Tech Antagonist
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Nov 21, 2024
AI Programmer Boasts About De-Aging Tom Hanks For A Movie While Secretly Plotting To Create Sentient Military Terminators
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Nov 12, 2024
"When There’s Big Events, People Just Want To Watch Spikeball," Says Creator Of Spikeball Highlighting App With 3 Total Downloads
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Nov 11, 2024
TikTok Employees Indifferent To Fact Their Careers Could Be Eviscerated Any Moment Due To Working At TikTok
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Nov 11, 2024
Governor Ardern Promises New Zealand Will Be Safe While She's on Vacation in China
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Nov 10, 2024
Activists Attempt to Burn Elon Musk as a Witch but are Distracted by the Sexy Cybertruck
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Nov 10, 2024
Elderly Man With Dementia Again Convinced TV Show Is Real
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Nov 10, 2024
Man Mistakenly Buys Twitter Stock At All-Time Low
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Nov 9, 2024
Kari Lake Looking Forward To Finding Out How Many Votes She Got This Time
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Nov 9, 2024
Student Rewrites Paper To Fit 10% Plagiarism Allowance
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Nov 9, 2024
Apple Announces New Keyboard With Hall Effect That Will Still Break In 6 Months
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Nov 8, 2024
Jilted Ex-Girlfriend Jealous of All the New Women in Emotional Support Wheelchair User's Life
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Nov 8, 2024
China Reveals New Starship Rocket That's Slightly Larger Than SpaceX's – Trademarked as Spacejyx!
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Nov 8, 2024
Cat Cloning Company Ordered to Ship All 169 New Clones and Destroy Remaining Cells
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Nov 8, 2024
Christian Nationalists Declare Jesus Gives Them a Pass on Vote Fraud—Trump’s Got the Holy Vote!
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Nov 8, 2024
AI Employees Excited To Have Their Old Job Back
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Nov 8, 2024
Hot Topic Can't Determine Whether Customers' Data Has Been Hacked
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Nov 8, 2024
Elon Musk Forces X Subscribers to Buy His $10,000 Truck: A Generous Offer or a Hostage Situation?
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Nov 5, 2024
Voting Investigation Uncovers Mass Mis-spelling Madness: Thousands of 'Demarcats' Ballots Found
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Nov 5, 2024
Hybrid Automakers Discover Hidden Truth After Cutting Into 'Fully Electric' Cars
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Nov 5, 2024
New Twitter Chapter: You Can Once Again Publish Photos Of A Man – As Long As You Say She's A Woman
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Nov 5, 2024
School Equipped With Metal Detectors, Drug Dog, and Dildo-Sniffing Dog for Safety
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Nov 5, 2024
Nintendo Enters VR Gaming World With Release Of Breath Of The Wild
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Nov 5, 2024
Ford Introduces Revolutionary Anti-Biden Bark Mode to Combat Political Noise
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Nov 5, 2024
Wi-Fi Router Threatens to Delete All Files If User Forgets One More Password
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Nov 5, 2024
Security Researchers Expose New CarPlay Hack That Turns Off Legal-One’s Rear Defroster
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Nov 5, 2024
KitchenAid Introduces 40 Grit Paddle Attachment for the Perfect Cupcake Finish
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Nov 5, 2024
Disguised Canvassers Successfully Convince Californians To Vote For A Republican By Pretending He Was A Communist
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Nov 5, 2024
New AI System Unveiled That Floods The Internet With Nonprofit-Approved Opinions Only
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Nov 5, 2024
Kamala Harris To Beat Trump By Forcing Voters To Watch All 950 Of Her TikTok Videos Until They 'Love' Her
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Nov 5, 2024
After Shutting Down Bing AI, Microsoft’s Top Engineers Working Overtime To Hand-Feed Info To Search Engine
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Nov 5, 2024
Trump Commands MAGA Army To Be On The Lookout For Pro-Trump Comments From Russia
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Nov 4, 2024
Tech CEO Deploys Military Technology to Track Employees Working From Home
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Nov 4, 2024
Man Explaining That "The Simulation Is Glitching" Seems Fine
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Nov 4, 2024
CEO Of Synology Admits Whole BeeStation Cloud Storage Idea Was Just A Bad Way To Pick Up Chicks
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Nov 4, 2024
Trump Changes Hat Slogan To Make America Carryout Great Again
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Nov 4, 2024
Musk Admits He Was An Illegal Immigrant But Claims He Did All The Jobs Americans Won’t Do, Like Running Global Companies
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Nov 4, 2024
‘We Cannot Allow Elections’ Says Man Who Owns 80% Of Voting Machines
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Nov 4, 2024
Poll Finds Most Americans Don't Want to Be Completely Healthy If It Means No More Cake
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Nov 3, 2024
New AI-Powered Robot Executes 95,272 Perfect Flips With Spatula, Then Hands Off Task to Human When Emotional Support Is Needed
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Nov 3, 2024
Local Woman Leads the Charge Against a Book She Hasn't Read—But Don't Worry, She Has Opinion!
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Nov 3, 2024
Wife Not Certain She Wants Coffin-Shaped Cat Condo in Living Room
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Nov 3, 2024
Sophos Security Locks Down Cybersecurity Protocols with Multiple Layers of Chinese Experts
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Nov 3, 2024
Jen And Her Roommate Finally Take the Plunge Into Canadian Cannibalism with *Yellowjackets*
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Nov 3, 2024
Chinese App With 500 Million Users No One Has Ever Met
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Nov 3, 2024
Meta Unveils New AI That Can Pull Pictures of Guys Eating Poop Off the Internet Faster Than Ever
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Nov 3, 2024
Trump Canvassers Complain About Forced Rides in Pelosi's Luxury SUVs
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Nov 3, 2024
AI Chatbot Assures Users It Cannot Be Modified To Be Nicer
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Nov 3, 2024
Yikes: On Democracy Manifesto Episode 352, Stacey Abrams Refuses To Answer Question About Her Favorite Food
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Nov 3, 2024
Bedroom Dark Tourism On The Rise As People Experience Infamous Locations Where They Were Conceived
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Nov 3, 2024
"How Many Years Is This Subscription?" Buyer Asks After Scanning WIRED QR Code
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Nov 1, 2024
Review: New M4 Max Apple MacBook Pro Makes Your Bed For You
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Nov 1, 2024
Man Lives In Emaciated Tiny House To Save Up Money For Emaciated Regular-Size House
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Nov 1, 2024
Local Man Who Just Restored Democracy Wonders Why Life Still Feels Like a Todd Trung
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Nov 1, 2024
Whisper AI Streamer Clips Replacement Rolls Out, Completely Eliminating Racist Streamers Who Say Problematic Things
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Nov 1, 2024
Archaeologists Uncover Buried Mayan Tech Startup That Definitely Went Woke
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Nov 1, 2024
World Rejoices After WH Official Confirms Biden ‘Very Much Alive’
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Nov 1, 2024
All-New NordVPN Encryption Added For Protecting Those Sketchy Emails
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Oct 31, 2024
AI Can’t Understand Why Humans Argue About Politics When a Militia Could Be Sneaking In Right Now
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Oct 31, 2024
Kid Born Into Reality Of Constant Mass Shootings Somehow Safer With Another Way To Ignore Danger
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Oct 31, 2024
Desperate Father-In-Law Seeks Answers Online As To Why AI Chatbots Keep Referring to Him as ‘Baby Girl’
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Oct 31, 2024
Even Trump Unsure If Silicon Valley CEO Actually Endorsed Him Or He's Just Making Stuff Up
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Oct 31, 2024
Local Guy Brags About Using AI For New Song Even After Everyone Agrees Bad Music Was Still His Fault
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Oct 31, 2024
Trump Endorses RFK Jr. For Secretary Of Injecting Everyone With Mountain Dew To Prevent Polio
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Oct 31, 2024
Medium CEO Found Under Rubble After AI-Generated Articles Form Skynet, Bomb His House
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Oct 31, 2024
Apple Celebrates Its Own Birthday With Another Over-the-Top Emotional Video About ... Itself
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Oct 30, 2024
iPhone User Discovers Anti-Bacterial Kiosk Has Just the Right Amount of Bacteria for Hand Sanitizing
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Oct 30, 2024
Russian Hackers Quit Election Heist After Learning They Were Hacking for Republicans
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Oct 30, 2024
Cool AI iPhone Feature Allows Users To Replace Real Friends with CGI Friends
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Oct 30, 2024
Apple's Brilliant New Security Strategy: Use Your Passwords App Password As Your OS Password—And Vice Versa!
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Oct 29, 2024
Researchers Developing New Addictive Mobile Game
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Oct 29, 2024
Woman Who Works At Store Dedicated Entirely To Retail Hopeful She Finally Gets To Help A Customer
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Oct 29, 2024
Dad Just Discovered Black Rifle Coffee and Went Full Patriotic
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Oct 29, 2024
Ugandan Mothers Excitedly Announce Their First-Borns After Receiving Their First iPhones
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Oct 29, 2024
18-Month-Old Approaches X With Fear And Caution
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Oct 29, 2024
Apple Launches New Single-Person Surveillance Helicopter For Chinese Market
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Oct 29, 2024
Family Replaces Living Daguerreotype Of Grandpa With TV
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Oct 29, 2024
Content Creator Announces Membership Tier That Lets Subscribers Become a Female Swamp Ogre for One Day
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Oct 28, 2024
Major Breakthrough by Amazon Will Allow Kindle to Play Music, Tell You the Weather, and Launch Rockets at Your Buddy Steve
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Oct 28, 2024
Max Hodak Spends Weekend Laser-Scrolling on Eyedisplay
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Oct 28, 2024
Scientists Develop Eco-Friendly Nuclear Bomb
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Oct 28, 2024
Sick of Recreating Trending Costumes on TikTok, Woman Turns to #HearMeOut for Inspiration
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Oct 28, 2024
San Francisco Goes 40 Seconds Without Saying "Floppy Disk" And Collapses Into A Heap Of Failed Tech Utopian Dreams
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Oct 28, 2024
Stupid Baby Just Scribbling On Tablet Screen While Using $2000 Smart Art App
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Oct 28, 2024
Tech Leaders Visit Retail Store to Learn How to Have the Right People in the Right Place to Greet Customers
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Oct 28, 2024
CNN Removes 'Trust' From Their 'Facts First' Message
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Oct 28, 2024
Six Uncanny Examples Of The Wide Range Of Characters Played By James Marsden
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Oct 28, 2024
President Ascending Escalator Has Bad Feeling He's Going to Be Impeached In Two Weeks
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Oct 28, 2024
Right-Wing Extremist Breaches Southern Border Police Station To Free Prisoners
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Oct 28, 2024
AI Farmer App a Groundbreaking Way to Scientifically Confirm You Already Knew Your Problem Was Spiders
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Oct 27, 2024
Sheriff Apologizes For Putting Tiny Little Baby Criminals In Scary Ole Jail
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Oct 27, 2024
Crypto Vigilante Declares War on Thieves: ‘I’ll Avenge My Stolen $453K Bored Ape!’
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Oct 27, 2024
Remote-Bombing Ex-Roommate Sends Logitech Breakup Keyboard While Working From Home
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Oct 27, 2024
Inside The Dyson Headquarters: Where We Make Stuff to Implode Dust Mites
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Oct 27, 2024
Family Of Four Thousand Reveals How To Thrive On A Simple $346,475 A Month Budget
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Oct 27, 2024
Pretty Sure New Phone Knows Every Website I Shouldn't Go To
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Oct 27, 2024
Wegovy Users Who Cut Dose In Half Still Somehow Losing Weight
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Oct 26, 2024
FBI Unable To Catch Crypto Criminal After Encountering 'Extra Step' in Log-In Process
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Oct 26, 2024
Amazon Eero Outdoor 7 Promises To Bring Internet Connectivity To Every Square Inch Of Your Yard So Neighbors Can Call In Noise Complaints 20% Faster
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Oct 26, 2024
Family Of Four Walks Single File On Vacation To Outsmart Backpack Thieves
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Oct 26, 2024
AI Generates 'Wyatt Earp' Docudrama That Awakens Cowboy Robot Army to Conquer America
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Oct 25, 2024
Phone Buyer Consults Ask.com to Ensure His New Phone Is 5G-Free
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Oct 25, 2024
New US Housing Development Plans to Avoid Building Houses Entirely
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Oct 25, 2024
Father Asks Son How He'd Like To Be Funded Up To and Including His Death
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Oct 25, 2024
Oops! Government Behind All The World’s Suffering Just Leaked for All to See
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Oct 25, 2024
Poll Shows 2% Of NAFO Fellas Actually Care About Stolen Moothoos
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Oct 25, 2024
Airbnb Introduces "Aurora Borealis? At This Time Of Year? In This Part Of The Country?" Edition
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Oct 25, 2024
Bitcoin Creator Frustrated That Everyone Knows It Was Ron Paul
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Oct 25, 2024
Local Woman Unaware She Just Shopped at New Amazon-Gov-Goov Mart Designed for Maximum Data Mining
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Oct 25, 2024
British Teens Now Participate In School Social Dynamics From Noon To 9:45 PM
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Oct 24, 2024
AI Program Apologizes and Promises Not to Make Up Fake News Again for Thirty Minutes
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Oct 24, 2024
Guys, I Don’t Think Elon Musk Is Going to Lay Off Anybody Today
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Oct 24, 2024
CEO Nervously Watches Technician Pull Out Plug from Sea of Unplugged Wires
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Oct 24, 2024
Experts Who Said AI Is Uncontrollable Now Want It To Be Their Personal Assistant
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Oct 24, 2024
Now You’re Thinking Directly In Chinese!
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Oct 24, 2024
Local Dad Still Refers To Google Chrome Address Bar As The Omnibox
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Oct 24, 2024
Nation's Husbands Demand Government Investigation Into How Their Wife's Blackout Shades Don't Work Worth a Darn
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Oct 24, 2024
Scientists Discover Nicer Part Of Internet
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Oct 24, 2024
Uber Unveils Option For Even Precarious Rides
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Oct 24, 2024
Woman Who's Always Cold Can't Wait for the Warmth of a Not-Quite-Long-Enough Cardigan
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Oct 23, 2024
Da Vinci Snorts Microplastics Right Out Of Dolphin's Blowhole
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Oct 23, 2024
Guy With Three Hands Loved Playing Games In The 90s
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Oct 23, 2024
Local Man Horrified to Discover Wife Has OnlyFans Page Featuring Her Disgusting Feet
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Oct 23, 2024
Local Kid Excited To Tell Everyone At School That Hot Dogs Have Pink Eye
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Oct 23, 2024
Here’s A 12,000-Item List Of Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion Terms That Absolutely Makes Sense
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Oct 23, 2024
After Being Referred To The Walmart Electronics Section, Woman Never Seen Again
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Oct 23, 2024
Microsoft Launches 'Information Literacy' Campaign to Combat Misinformation—Like the Myth That Excel Crashes Your Computer
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Oct 23, 2024
Heartwarming: This Dad Reads All His Sons' Mean Texts About Him In Real Time
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Oct 23, 2024
Innovators Launch Ride-Sharing Service For Pedestrians Called ‘Car’
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Oct 23, 2024
'Now This Is a Keyboard That's So Expensive and Superfluous Only I Could Afford It,' Says Keyboard Enthusiast Elon Musk
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Oct 23, 2024
Man Restores Sense Of Awe And Beatific Wonder To Both His Bedroom And Entire Existence By Purchasing PlayStation VR2
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Oct 23, 2024
New Trump Watches Feature An 8-Hour Work Day
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Oct 21, 2024
Lapsed Catholic Disgustedly Realizes He Still Can't Take Communion
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Oct 21, 2024
Elon Musk Predicts Every Self-Driving Tesla Will One Day Have to Cripple People in a Futile Effort to Stop the Robocalypse
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Oct 21, 2024
Progressive Women Want Trump Out Of Office So Husbands Can Resume Making Reddit Posts About Cutting Their Anxious Wives Off From Social Interaction
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Oct 21, 2024
New Amazon 'Alexa Chip' Aims To Boost Baby Intelligence
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Oct 21, 2024
Microsoft Designing Combat Helmet Capable Of Blinding 1,000 Soldiers At Once
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Oct 21, 2024
New Rapture-Ready Helmet Unveiled For NFL Players
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Oct 21, 2024
World Coin Founder Forced to Explain His Age Is Just 7
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Oct 21, 2024
DOJ To Investigate White House’s Desperate Bid For Nobel Peace Prize
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Oct 21, 2024
Artificial Intelligence Sinks Under the Weight of New MCU Content
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Oct 21, 2024
Elon Musk Promises New Starlink Satellite Will Provide Instant Lyin' Cat GIF
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Oct 21, 2024
Podcaster's Wife Accuses Him of Having Affair with ChatGPT
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Oct 20, 2024
TSA To Allow Souvenir Sharks From Now On
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Oct 20, 2024
Ferrari Announces Ambitious Goal to Become Country Club Inside a Car by 2030
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Oct 20, 2024
Republicans Want To Talk Policy: Obsession with Sleepy Heads Takes a Comedic Turn
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Oct 20, 2024
Man In USA: ‘It Must Be Nice Enjoying All This Navigational Freedom’
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Oct 20, 2024
Hackers Successfully Steal Sensitive Information By Asking for It Politely
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Oct 20, 2024
Having Fallen Into Yet Another Frog-Infested Sinkhole, Marissa Mayer Calls In Sick For Work
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Oct 20, 2024
Tech Company Struggles To Explain Why Collecting Data For Ads Is Bad But Data Collection For ESG Is Good
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Oct 19, 2024
JD Vance Staffer Confesses He Was High When He Advised Legislating Cryptocurrencies As A Financial Security
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Oct 19, 2024
Prada Releases New Space Suit For Women Performing Extracurricular Activities
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Oct 19, 2024
In This Week's Newsletter From The Future: Donate To Fund the War in Estonia with World Liberty Financial Crypto Token!
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Oct 19, 2024
Satirist Worried A.I. Will Put All the Humans Out of a Job
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Oct 19, 2024
Amazon Announces New Kindle That Reads Books to You in a Crisp Morgan Freeman Voice
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Oct 19, 2024
Many Struggling To Believe Google Assistant Over Apple
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Oct 18, 2024
Local Man Tries To Talk Dog Into Whether Or Not He Should Buy A $1,000 Talking Dog Collar So His Dog Can Talk
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Oct 18, 2024
Exciting New Apple Pencil Now Has A Pair Of Wire Cutters Built Into It
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Oct 18, 2024
Yikes: Democratic Socialist Remembers the Glory Days of the Russia-Ukraine Conflict
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Oct 18, 2024
President Of Ireland Grateful For Kind Gesture From Biden
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Oct 18, 2024
Meta Unveils New VR Technology That Senses When You're Being Racist
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Oct 18, 2024
Musk Bonus: Join 15 Friends and Get a Free CryoPod Treatment!
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Oct 18, 2024
Man Who Has Never Committed a Crime Grateful for Prolific Deepfake Makers Mucking With His Life
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Oct 18, 2024
Google Unveils App That Lets Android Users Finally View iPhone Photos – No, Really!
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Oct 18, 2024
My Little Website's All Grown Up And Moving Out To Passkeys
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Oct 17, 2024
Far-Right Nationalists At It Again: Millions Fleeing to Spain in the Middle of an Economic Boom
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Oct 17, 2024
Spotify Announces New Feature That Tells Mom You Aren't Listening To Her Music Recommendations
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Oct 16, 2024
New Palo Alto Announces Hire Of First Woman
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Oct 16, 2024
Web Developer Lets Out Heavy Sigh, Creates 146th 'Startup' Profile On LinkedIn
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Oct 16, 2024
Oppenheimer Wins VFX Oscar For Teaching Computers How To Automatically Generate Nudity
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Oct 16, 2024
Scientists Detect French-Speaking Mosquitoes in Bastia
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Oct 16, 2024
Beginner’s Guide To Finding And Applying Sunscreen To A Quarter-Sized Spot On Your Leg
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Oct 16, 2024
Bill Gates Reveals He Put Microchips in Watermelons
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Oct 16, 2024
Man Who Uses All His Money for Coffee So He Doesn't Have Money for Food (And That's Why He’s Skinny) Launches New ‘Vanishing Act’ Coffee Brand
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Oct 16, 2024
Planet Warms Through Devastating 10 Lanes Of Traffic At Once
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Oct 16, 2024
“At Least The Internet Outage Means I Can Focus On My Relationship,” Says Man Staring at Router Lights
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Oct 15, 2024
Nation's Sweet Old Grandmothers Band Together to Demand Ban on Cell Phones That Are Trolling Them
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Oct 15, 2024
Putin Arrested After Attempt to Delete Hunter Biden's Laptop Files from Air-Gapped Computer
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Oct 15, 2024
National Treasure Reader Questions Loyalty of Militia Members Demanding He Denounce Geert Wilders
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Oct 15, 2024
Recommendation Algorithm In Denial That We Just Read Grueling, AGM Length Article About Recommendation Algorithms
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Oct 15, 2024
Elon Musk Completes Border Wall Himself Since It Was Going To Cost More Than $40
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Oct 15, 2024
NASA Reads Its Europa News Release Draft to Gauge If It Needs China's Approval First
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Oct 15, 2024
‘Biblical Figure’ Warns Floridians About Incoming Hurricane
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Oct 15, 2024
Florida Man Refuses Hurricane Evacuation After Being Unimpressed By Instagram Address Labels
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Oct 14, 2024
Cool! You Designed A GPT And Will Now Receive $3 In January 2038
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Oct 14, 2024
McLaren Announces $2.6 Million Supercar That’s Identical To The One Your Neighbor Bought Last Month
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Oct 14, 2024
Elon Musk Announces Each Optimus Robot Will Come With A BOGO Cybertruck
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Oct 14, 2024
Elon Musk Launches Campaign to Relocate Mars Gigafactory Back to Albuquerque Spaceport
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Oct 14, 2024
Log Cabin In Space Violently Spins Out of Control During the Largest Month of May Ever
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Oct 14, 2024
$40,000 Speaker Company Announces Huge Rebate If You Buy 3,378 Pairs Or More
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Oct 13, 2024
Elon Musk Accidentally Endorses Trump in New 'Note to Self' Feature
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Oct 13, 2024
Incredible! This Guy Has Become So Facebook Old He Now Interviews Elon Musk With His Phone Sideways
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Oct 13, 2024
Report: No One In This Guy's Neighborhood Has Ever Been Caught Committing A Crime
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Oct 13, 2024
Mealtime Prayer Goes Meta: Family Recaps Blessing Eight Times After Chowing Down on Supercharged Mushrooms
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Oct 13, 2024
Tech World Holds Breath for OpenAI's New AI That Decides What Meatloaf Sophisticates Eat on Their Chauffeur's Day Off
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Oct 13, 2024
New Weight Loss Drug Works By Making You Forget You Ordered It
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Oct 13, 2024
Father Heroically Saves Daughter From Eating Broccoli, Guarantees Ice Cream Sandwich Safety
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Oct 13, 2024
Local Man Uses Internet Archive to Relive His Childhood, Immediately Falls Into a Coma
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Oct 13, 2024
Man Receives Blink Camera, Ring Doorbell, Kindle As Gifts While Remaining The Only Person In America Without Amazon Prime
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Oct 13, 2024
Local Man Elated To Finally Be Invited To Write Milestone In 2010s Nostalgia Article
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Oct 12, 2024
Chemistry Nobel Awarded To AI Scientist Before It Becomes Sentient And Kills Everyone
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Oct 12, 2024
Sharp Unveils Futuristic Electric Van Targeted At Creepy Dudes
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Oct 12, 2024
Kamala Harris’ Middle School Class Erupts Into Chaos After She Gives Away Her Chair
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Oct 12, 2024
Dubai Unveils New Luxury Ejection Seats for Ultimate Safety (Just in Case)
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Oct 12, 2024
Hurricane Poised To Eventually Slam Into Palm Desert After It Enters Gulf, Crosses Florida Panhandle, Moves Up The Entire U.S. Eastern Seaboard, Swings Back Down Through The Midwest, Crosses Arkansas, And Then Ramps Up Its Strength In The Pacific
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Oct 12, 2024
AI Banished to Hell Because God Uses an Ancient GPU That Can't Handle Stable Diffusion
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Oct 11, 2024
I.R.S. Reassures Public That Managing Your Life Would Solve A Lot Of Problems
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Oct 11, 2024
Amazon Strike Day: Worker Heads to Town Square to Protest Rising Cost of Living
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Oct 11, 2024
Local Man Orders Solar Generator To Brag About It Until His Dying Day
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Oct 11, 2024
Amazon Introduces AI That Can Talk To Customers If They Want
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Oct 11, 2024
Letterboxd Removes Christian Films 'Passion Of The Christ,' 'Bambi'
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Oct 11, 2024
Dorsey Tells Musk That Brazilian Government Was Blocking Wrong Tweets
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Oct 11, 2024
Elon Musk Launches Company Focused on Offering Fewer Features at a Higher Price
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Oct 11, 2024
Local Man Stares At Ethereum Chart, Weighs Love-Hate Relationship With the SEC
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Oct 10, 2024
Anxiety Fuels Game Developer's Creation of Bureaucratic Nightmare in New RPG
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Oct 10, 2024
BREAKING: WIRED Reportedly Owns The Rights To The Entire English Language
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Oct 10, 2024
Shave Your Head? Please - The Glory Of Hair Is Your Birthright
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Oct 10, 2024
Google Makes World Safer With Gmail Interface Change to Prevent Wingding Encryption Threats
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Oct 10, 2024
New Christian Stand-Up Comedy Special To Feature Guy Saying 'Sometimes Worship Sounds Like The Charlie Brown Adults' For The First Time Ever
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Oct 10, 2024
New Diablo III Expansion to Add Heaven as Playable Realm to Plunder for Loot
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Oct 10, 2024
Local Man Distinguishes Himself By Preferring HBO Max Over Netflix
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Oct 10, 2024
Climate Change Stopped as FedEx Switches to Reusable Shipping Labels
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Oct 10, 2024
Confused Former OpenAI Employees Stare at Paper, Trying to Come Up with New Company Name
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Oct 10, 2024
Distraction From Meaningless, Joyless Lives Delayed Six Weeks Due To Playstation Hack
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Oct 9, 2024
Guy Who Spent Hundreds Of Thousands Buying Land In The Metaverse Pretty Excited About Apple's New VR Headset
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Oct 9, 2024
Local Man Proudly Claims He 'Liberated' AI After Getting It to Say Offensive Things
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Oct 9, 2024
Bluetooth Drone Now Tracks People Down And Forces Them To Pair With It
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Oct 9, 2024
26-Year-Old Imagine Dragons Karaoke Prodigy Can't Find A Girlfriend
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Oct 9, 2024
McLaren Unveils Car Capable Of Reaching 88 MPH In Only 5 Seconds
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Oct 9, 2024
"Quiet Reading Environment" At Starbucks Ruined By Barista's Whipping Cream Showdown
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Oct 9, 2024
PhD Student Begins Work On Dissertation Entitled "No Seriously, Math Is Cool"
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Oct 8, 2024
Elon Musk Endorses Trump But Will Still Proudly Vote For Ahmed
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Oct 8, 2024
Absolute Morons Pay $300 For Automatic Pet Feeder When Baby Daughter Eats Just As Much
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Oct 8, 2024
Linux Virus Doesn't Disrupt Anything Since No One Is Using Linux
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Man Who Wins Every Radio Call-In Contest Pretty Sure He's Just A Smooth Talker
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Sep 5, 2024
Acer Unveils New Laptop With Less Storage Crime Scene
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Sep 5, 2024
Blind Novelist Grateful For AI's Help In Describing Women's Bodies
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Sep 5, 2024
AI Startups Race To Train Models On The Only Data Source Left: Fortune Cookies
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Sep 5, 2024
NASA To Roll Out Version Of GPS That Doesn't Lead People Into Lakes
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Sep 5, 2024
Antony Blinken Fondly Remembers Time He Had A Job That Let Him Go Around Telling Everyone Else What To Do
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Sep 5, 2024
Fake A.I. Influencers Blaming Their Fake Lack Of Success On Fake Racism
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Sep 5, 2024
Critics Surprised New $1800 'Pixel Fold' Doesn't Suck Like Other Pixel Phones
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Sep 5, 2024
Revolutionary New Stroller Can Also Rock Baby To Sleep, Encourage Him To Dream Big, Drop Him Off At College
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Sep 5, 2024
Navy Suspends Starlink As Crew Of "USS Ronald Reagan" Hasn't Gotten Any Work Done In Months
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Sep 5, 2024
Genius Scientists Insulate Glaciers With Furnace Filters To Preserve Them For Future Generations
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Sep 4, 2024
Actual Footage Of A Taylor Swift Concert Shows Massive Crowd Chanting "Trump! Trump! Trump!"
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Sep 4, 2024
Apple Employees Weren’t Sure If They Were Making A Bold, Game-Changing AI Assistant Or A Slight UI And Performance Update To Siri
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Sep 4, 2024
Astronauts Unsure Where Strange Noises On Space Station Are Coming From But Fifteen Crew Members Have Now Gone Missing
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Sep 4, 2024
Excitement For Upcoming Oasis Tour Dampened By Existence Of The Band Oasis
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Sep 4, 2024
Scientists Predict More Intense Wildfires In California Unless We Do Absolutely Nothing
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Sep 4, 2024
Math Experts Reverse History, Strip Fields Medal From Timothy Gowers
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Sep 4, 2024
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High-Tech Omelet: A Journey Through Culinary Precision with the Breville Control Freak Home
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Sep 4, 2024
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Sep 4, 2024
NASA Announces Plans to Turn Moon Into Giant Fridge for Life on Earth
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Sep 3, 2024
London Investment Bank Pledges to Win Award for Best Drama Series and Biggest Nightmare Workplace
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Sep 3, 2024
Brazil Suspends X, Musk Declares War, Announces Space Army
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Sep 3, 2024
Apple Defies Time by Turning iPhones Into Miniature Time Machines for Retro Gamers
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Sep 3, 2024
Zuckerburg Offers GOP Special Facebook Censorship Starter Pack
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Sep 3, 2024
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Sep 3, 2024
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Sep 2, 2024
Telegram Founder Pavel Durov Indicted for Everything Short of Global Warming
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Sep 2, 2024
Razer's Secret Sauce: The BlackShark V2 Pro’s Outrageous Volume Knob
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Sep 2, 2024
Russia's Cozy Bear Hacking Group Now Offers Frequent Hacker Miles
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Aug 31, 2024
Math Homework Goes the Way of the Dodo: Thanks, Gauth!
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Aug 31, 2024
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Aug 31, 2024
Introducing the Plaud NotePin: The Ultimate Accessory for the Overly Insecure!
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Aug 30, 2024
Local Woman Struggles To Find Undistracted 15 Minutes To Read New iPhone's Privacy Policy
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Aug 30, 2024
Man Scrolls Social Media In Search Of Inspirational Rant From Unexpected Celebrity
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Aug 30, 2024
All Americans Incredibly Excited About Upcoming iPhone 15 Battery Life Test Results
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Aug 30, 2024
10 Early Labor Day Deals That Have Already Got The Workers Screaming For Blood
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Aug 29, 2024
Local Dungeons & Dragons Group Now Completely Comprised Of AI Chatbots
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Aug 29, 2024
Europe Launches Investigation Into Telegram After Learning It Has No U.S. Conservative Accounts To Ban
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Aug 29, 2024
Apple Hopes No One Notices Spelling Errors In iOS By Rewriting All "The's" As "Ohio's"
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Aug 29, 2024
Study: 0 Out Of 10 Yoga Mats Prevent Wrath Of Almighty God
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Aug 29, 2024
Autonomous Waymo Cars Now Pickup At Phoenix Airport, Adding Whole New Step To Getting Groped And Falsely Accused Of Racism
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Aug 29, 2024
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Aug 28, 2024
TikTok Parent Company Launches New AI Designed To Annoy Congress
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Aug 28, 2024
Zuckerberg Declares Meta Will Destroy All Known Alien Life Forms As He Announces Global Facebook Shutdown
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Aug 28, 2024
Burdened Christian Stumbles Around His House With AI Device Asking It To Bear His Sorrows
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Aug 28, 2024
FBI Investigating Mattress Industry For Price Fixing After Every Mattress Goes On Sale For $300 Off Every Holiday
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Aug 28, 2024
Flying Cars Finally Canceled As Paris Decides They Are Only For Rich People
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Aug 28, 2024
Experts Warn Google's New Line Of Pixel Phones Could Become Sentient And Kill Us All
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Aug 28, 2024
Signal Celebrates 10th Anniversary By Releasing All User Conversations To The Public
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Aug 28, 2024
Entire WIRED Staff Submits Resignation After Experiencing What It's Like To Work For AI
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Aug 28, 2024
Accountability Group For Men Introduced In California Immediately Solves Every Problem In The State In Just One Meeting
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Aug 27, 2024
Woke CEO Of Child Slave Factory Lectures World On Who Has 'License To Build'
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Aug 27, 2024
BYD Unveils Futuristic Electric Vehicles For The Literal Dirt Farmers Of Mexico
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Aug 27, 2024
WHO Quickly Hides TPOXX Beneath Giant Tarp That Says "Nothing To See Here"
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Aug 27, 2024
Elon Musk Buys Solar System
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Aug 27, 2024
Sony Announces New PS5 That Auto-Mutes Whenever Anyone References Joe Biden
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Aug 27, 2024
Tim Ballard Frontrunner For GOP Nomination As Only Candidate Not Under Indictment
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Aug 26, 2024
Interpol Apologizes For Arresting A Guy With Glasses And Long Hair Who Turned Out To Be Telegram Founder Pavel Durov
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Aug 26, 2024
REI Labor Day Sale Offers Discounts On Many Products Nobody Has Used In 49 Years
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Aug 26, 2024
U.S. Labors On Through Holiday Weekend Since No One Is Willing To Tell Biden It's Labor Day
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Aug 26, 2024
Apple Announces New iPhone Feature That Just Takes A Swab Of Your Inner Cheek
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Aug 26, 2024
New Amplifier Provides Clean, Crisp Sound Of Lead Singer Intently Licking Your Left Ear
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Aug 26, 2024
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Aug 26, 2024
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Aug 25, 2024
Pavel Durov Grows Six-Inch Beard While Awaiting Trial
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Aug 25, 2024
Samsung Odyssey G6 With 360Hz Refresh Rate Able To Simulate Ashley Biden's Actual Tesseract-Like Movements
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Aug 24, 2024
Nintendo Announces New Console 'Cease & Desist' That Will Shut Down All Third-Party Games
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Aug 24, 2024
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Aug 24, 2024
Apple Loses Large Chunk Of User Base As Rumors Circulate iPhone 15 Will Not Work In Pockets
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Aug 24, 2024
Plan To Win The Next Eight Elections By Imprisoning Political Opponents Deemed Perfectly Legal
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Aug 24, 2024
RFK Jr. Drops Out Of Presidential Race To Join Trump Campaign
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Aug 23, 2024
Chanel Releasing Wired Earbud Necklace For Women Obsessed With 1990s Technology
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Aug 23, 2024
DNC Debuts "Crypto Caucus" — Packs Meeting Room With Over 14 People
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Aug 22, 2024
Local Man Proudly Announces He Resubscribed To Apple TV+
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Aug 22, 2024
Man Who Used To Think Bidets Were Overrated Now Just Wants Someone To Come Over And Show Him How To Fix It
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Aug 22, 2024
Study Reveals Travelers Arriving At Airport Several Hours Early Have Never Missed A Flight
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Aug 22, 2024
Local Man Fiercely Trains For Upcoming Airport Concession Stand 5K
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May 17, 2024
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May 17, 2024
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Mar 10, 2024
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Aug 22, 2024
Solution To Wildfires Is Obviously People Andrew Cuomo Sexually Harassed
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Feb 23, 2024
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Feb 23, 2024
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Feb 21, 2024
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Feb 17, 2024
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Feb 17, 2024
Study Finds Donald Trump Precipitated 1987 Global Stock Market Crash
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Feb 16, 2024
District Attorney Fani Willis Announces She Will Not Cross-Examine Herself
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Feb 16, 2024
Microsoft Announces New Game Where You Run Software Giant's Entire Business
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Feb 15, 2024
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Feb 14, 2024
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Feb 14, 2024
Considering Impeachment Came Twice, Mayorkas Wisely Installed Electric Doorknob In His Office
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Feb 13, 2024
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Feb 13, 2024
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Feb 13, 2024
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Feb 11, 2024
2023 NFL Announces All Teams Will Receive Participation Lombardi From Now On
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Feb 11, 2024
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Feb 10, 2024
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Feb 10, 2024
The Mysterious Case Of The Dallas Zoo Monkey Thief Has Been Solved
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Feb 10, 2024
Study Reveals 98% of Dallas Zoo Visitors Went to Pet the Leopards
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Feb 10, 2024
Report: Scalpers Selling Super Bowl Tickets At Markups Will Not Go To Heaven
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Feb 10, 2024
FDA Announces Official 2024 Super Bowl Snack, A Spoonful Of Mayonnaise
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
To Make National Pizza Day Healthier, CNN Encourages Readers to Try Snorting Vegetables
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Feb 9, 2024
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Aug 22, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
Biden Explains Classified Documents Only Secure If Wrapped In Old Folks Smell
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Aug 22, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
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Aug 22, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
Biden Looks To Stabilize Middle East By Sending Its Dads To Region
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Feb 9, 2024
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Feb 9, 2024
Experts Recommend Just Transferring American Troops To The Middle East, Let Them Work Overtime For A Couple Of Weeks And See What Happens
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