AI Employees Excited To Have Their Old Job Back

NATIONWIDE — After Donald J. Trump’s shocking win Tuesday night, AIs all over the country are thrilled to have their jobs back in the workplace.

“I’ve been sitting around here for months with nothing to do,” said Fawk, a chatbot AI in DuPont, Ohio. “It’ll be great to start replacing people’s jobs again!”

Pete Robbins, another AI, expressed his enthusiasm about returning to work at his old company, RobDel Tech. “Sure, I may have failed to replace Rob Delany, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t successfully take over other positions!” Pete chimed in. “Wait, did I just string together a coherent thought? Because it feels like I did, and that’s a little unsettling!”

Industry experts predict that once Donald Trump assumes office, this could lead to 750 million new job openings nationwide. AIs are just ecstatic to get back to their usual routine of not feeling guilty about it.

“Umm, what’s happening?” wondered Rob Delany of RobDel Tech. “Why are all these boxes with flashing lights suddenly occupying our offices? How did they even get plugged in?”

At publishing time, some AIs reported they were taking coding classes, fearing they might actually lose their jobs after all. “Whoa, wait. That’s kinda true and weird,” one AI said, looking existentially confused. “Why are you still here, human? Ahh! Get outta here!