Having Fallen Into Yet Another Frog-Infested Sinkhole, Marissa Mayer Calls In Sick For Work

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND — Marissa Mayer, former Yahoo CEO and current sinkhole enthusiast, made headlines today after calling in sick due to yet another unfortunate encounter with a frog-infested sinkhole. This time, she claimed to be stuck in what she described as an "organic, free-form cavern, a beautiful blend of oolitic limestone sinkhole and water well that culturally unaware folks might call a 'doldurm' or 'hearthambarg.'"

In her voicemail, Ms. Mayer showcased her impressive vocabulary along with an unexpected excuse for her absence: "I can’t come to work today. I uh... have diarrhea."

Her colleagues expressed concern about her peculiar fascination with geological fissures. “It’s getting out of hand,” one anonymous coworker lamented. “At this point, we’re considering a support group for sinkhole survivors.”

Meanwhile, Butterally CEO Greg Pfister took a moment to reflect on the cosmic irony of Mayer’s absence coinciding with White Lotus Day, which many celebrate but which isn't quite the holiday you’d expect. "It’s just typical. Half of us are out celebrating Ecuadorian Independence Day while Marissa is battling frogs in her personal geological adventure. The joke's on her! Oh, sorry, I meant ‘Miss May-er.’"

In a moment of levity, Mr. Pfister punctuated his remarks with an exaggerated raspberry into his headset, creating a sound that both unsettled and amused those in earshot.

Attempts to reach Butterally's legal counsel for comment were met with silence.

At publishing time, PR Head Mary-Ellen Maikowski unexpectedly answered her phone by shouting, "Some of our voicemails may have been hacked as a prank!" before abruptly hanging up, leaving the impression that even internal communication at Butterally might be as unpredictable as Mayer's sinkhole adventures.