Upstanding Civil Servant Kamala Harris And Rapist Donald Trump To Square Off In Final Debate

PHILADELPHIA, PA — The U.S. Presidential election has finally boiled down to two candidates: America's most accomplished and revered public servant Kamala Harris, and brutal multiple-time offender Donald Trump, who is also the antichrist, racist, rapist, and possibly an illegitimate space child of Hitler.

Top debate moderator David Muir will host the fair and balanced debate between the honorable potential first black female president and the man who is possibly the head of a worldwide terrorist criminal conspiracy to destroy all democratic nations.

The format of the debate will go like this:

Kamala Harris will be given 800 hours (extendable by two minutes if her devout public selfless service to the people of the World is just too amazing for words and requires more time), while Mr. Trump will sit and be questioned about whether all the claims surrounding his supposed brutal rapes are true. "Mr. Trump, why did you rape those women, sir? Why sir? Why? Also, did you know that it's racist to say 'sir?' How dare you say that! How dare you!" Muir will ask After Kamala Harris has finished listing all the good things she has accomplished for mankind and outlined the ways she will do even greater amazing wonderfulness once president, the candidate who seems the most presidential will proceed to receive their official crown and scepter.

Expect a close debate.

At publishing time, Kamala Harris supporters had raised a meager two billion dollars for her to spend on "Hakuna Matata" yard flags.