Vacuum Glides Across Floor Like a Pro in First-Person Shooter, Making Kids Squirm

STILLWATER, MN — Sources report that a vacuum, operated by a mom intent on making her kids cringe in the living room, is moving across the floor with the precision of a player's translation matrix from a linear first-person shooter.

Just as a player model glides effortlessly across the digital battlefield without straying from the X- or Y-axis, the vacuum glided seamlessly over the carpet, its path unwavering and true.

"Cleaning my room! Just as long as there are no vacuums in here!" shouted one child from upstairs, though his plea was drowned out by the relentless hum of household cleaning.

The mom remained blissfully unaware of her uncanny resemblance to characters from iconic first-person shooters like Halo and Call of Duty, who traverse their environments with strict horizontal and vertical movements yet lack depth variation.

At publishing time, the vacuum had returned to its charging dock, while the family sat together for breakfast, their backs turned to an expansive field of morning light.