Elon Musk Announces Each Optimus Robot Will Come With A BOGO Cybertruck

FREMONT, CA — After years of missed delivery dates, postponed announcements, and nearly $70 billion in added taxes and fees, Cybertruck pre-order customers will finally be able to place their hands on... wait, no they won’t.

In an unprecedented move that has left many scratching their heads, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has announced the cancellation of all Cybertruck orders in favor of a new BOGO offer on the company’s much-anticipated Optimus robot.

"Optimi will ship out far faster than those fancy trucks we promised you, and guess what? Each order will come with a surprise FREE Cybertruck nobody was expecting!" Musk declared, gesturing wildly as a group of bewildered reporters jotted down his words. "They absolutely haven’t already paid for it, so no crying about it, okay?"

“It’s time we took action to silence these impatient ingrates,” Musk continued, a glint of mischief in his eye. “No one tells world-changing superheroes like me what to do or when to do it. No one, I tell you! Instead of sticking to my delivery schedule, they can buy my robots and take what they get. Who knows? Maybe the Cybertruck will show up around the same time as your second Optimus!”

As Musk stepped back, a nearby Optimus waved enthusiastically, seemingly unaware it was being used as a prop in the latest episode of Tesla's ongoing saga. The reporters exchanged confused glances, unsure if they were witnessing genius or madness—but isn’t that the beauty of tech journalism?