Hawking Radiation Demonstrated To Be Invisible Pink Unicorns Heading Away From Black Holes

CAMBRIDGE, MA — New research by the Institute for Obvious Physics has shown that the cause behind Hawking radiation is actually invisible pink unicorns escaping from black holes.

In the new study, scientists showed that there is no point trying to see or measure Hawking radiation since it can only be caused by certain imaginary phenomena that cannot be detected in any way. "This revelation means we can happily use nonexistent things to explain anything we can't actually see," said physicist Lee Gagrian. "It's quite a relief, since nearly all of our work these days is devoted to explaining energy we can't actually measure. It's starting to feel a little dishonest at times."

"When you can't see what's supposed to be emitting the energy we're detecting, we just have to conclude it's something that can't be seen, like a dark matter or a unicorn. It's a load off my mind," said Gagrian.

At publishing time, scientists had explained that other phenomena they couldn't measure and dealt with purely hypothetically — like colliders that could smash apart protons and Supreme Court opinions that might overturn abortion decisions — would also be covered under the invisible pink-unicorn clause. Scientists were subsequently seen high-fiving each other happily in a corner.