Biologists Advise Cancer-Stricken Americans To Roll Around In Chernobyl Rubble For Good Measure

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After discovering that mutant wolves living in the Chernobyl exclusion zone have developed an immunity to cancer, biologists are advocating that cancer-stricken Americans go ahead and roll around in some Chernobyl rubble for good measure.

"You might as well," said lead researcher Cara Love, dripping with sarcasm. "I mean, we've put out press release after press release explaining that the rest of the world would have to bathe in ionizing radiation to gain the same cancer resistance the wolves have, but, by all means, ignore our advice and continue touting essential oils as a miraculous cure."

At publishing time, the biologists had reported receiving over 10,000 letters from Americans asking if maybe standing in a really, really, really hot tanning bed for a few hours might also do the trick.