Apple Releases New Software Update That Changes iPhone Location From Nightstand To Car Seat

CUPERTINO, CA — Apple announced today they have begun pushing out a new software update that will automatically change your phone's location from "nightstand" to "car seat."

"You ever walk into the grocery store and realize your phone is still days behind where it should be?" asked one company representative in Apple's WWDC 2023 keynote address. "If so, you're familiar with the embarrassment of an iPhone that's still located back at your bedside, was in the car two minutes ago, or hasn't noticed that you've switched jeans. Today, we're announcing a new update that automatically delivers a software update to your device every time you get somewhere new, helping it realize that it's now in your car seat."

Apple's CFO Jenny Peterson further clarified her company's new innovation was more evidence of staying on the cutting edge of technology. "We want people to pull their phone out of their pockets and have it intelligently remind them of the grab-and-go of breakfast they just did after leaving the house… the satisfying drop onto the floorboard before they entered the grocery store… even alert them that it's no longer being tightly compressed in their Joeys," she explained. "We think you'll love experiencing how iPhone knows exactly where it is located."

After word of the product change spread, company stock began to rise 3%.

At publishing time, Peterson said Apple is also working on a software update that will deactivate iPhones for teen users eight hours into their day so they'll focus on their summer jobs