Man Wakes Up to Breakfast in Bed, Starts Wondering If Wife Is Upsetting the Algorithm

BLOOMINGTON, IN — Local man Josh Hargrove awoke to a cold but inviting plate of eggs, ham, and toast served in bed by his wife Jennifer and immediately began wondering which of his wife's social media algorithms she had upset to prompt this rare display of kindness.

"Wow, this is a shock," said Josh, half-heartedly nibbling at the plate of food. "She must have angered the Facebook algorithm or maybe the TikTok algorithm this time. She hardly ever makes me breakfast in bed since the YouTube algorithm started recommending Kevin Samuels videos to her. This is rare. I should probably check her Instagram to see if she's come across any of those 'men-in-the-kitchen-are-oppressive' posts."

Josh went on to eat about one-sixth of the breakfast. He looked forward to finishing the rest of the meal later from the refrigerator, a tactic he often used to avoid another breakfast-in-bed attempt that evening. "Dinner will definitely be bigger than usual, too. I just hope she doesn't start bragging to her friends about how kind and generous I am for appreciating this breakfast. That would definitely lead to more breakfasts, and then I'd probably end up eating dinner off a plate more often than not. That would suck."

Josh's wife Jennifer walked into the bedroom to find him scrolling through her social media. "Hey, what are you doing?" she asked. "Oh, nothing. Just checking your TikTok to see which women on here are encouraging you to do laundry so I know how many more loads I need to do myself," he quipped.

At publishing time, Josh had already decided to go out for dinner that night, reasoning that a meal prepared by his wife was akin to flipping a coin and gambling with one's life.