Global Tsunami Of Doom Devastates Local Bank Branch, Man's Basement

SIMPSONVILLE, SC — In the days following a dire report from the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change warning that the Earth's demise is looming closer than ever, residents were given an alarming preview of the apocalypse when a local bank branch and a man's basement nearly flooded after just a minor rainstorm.

"My poor bank branch fell victim to mankind's pride and hubris," lamented Boulder City Credit Union customer service representative Sue Ann Granger, who found herself unable to return to her nearby apartment after the bank was placed on lockdown due to a rapidly rising river. "The only thing keeping the branch from slipping into the abyss was our kind landlord's stash of 25-pound sandbags. Praise Frank!"

Clinging to the walls and doorframes to avoid being swept away, Granger expressed a strange serenity while contemplating her fate.

"With the light rain showers and that ominous U.N. report, I can't help but think it can't be long now," she said, a peaceful smile crossing her drenched face.

As of press time, the situation was grim in Joe the middle manager's basement, where warm waters swirled around his ankles. According to sources, he was last seen contemplating whether this was the right time to finally invest in a boat.