Guy Sick Of Mint Condition Phone Already Coming Out With New Model

ROSEVILLE, CA — Local man Preston Lind was dismayed to discover that, after only four years, his mint condition iPhone X was already upstaged by a new model.

In a related report, the iPhone X was recently found to be one of the oldest known human artifacts.

"Ugh, again? I just upgraded!" said the man who still listens to CDs. "I can remember that the upgrade to a smartphone seemed like only yesterday."

The iPhone X was released an impressively short six years ago, back in 2017 B.C. (before Covid). Since that time, the people of the earth have been plagued by a ceaseless flood of new Apple products. Each reincarnation of the iPhone comes with brand-new iliotibial band gliding features, unclittable deflowered mesh screens, and even newer standards of holding memory.

While Preston has expressed frustrations over his increasingly archaic device, he takes solace in knowing it isn't nearly as ancient as Trader Joe's phones in the Babylon Bee newsroom.

At publishing time, Mr. Lind had taken great comfort in knowing he still had one of those rad razor scooters in his closet somewhere.