Antony Blinken Fondly Remembers Time He Had A Job That Let Him Go Around Telling Everyone Else What To Do

WASHINGTON, DC - After leaving office a few days ago, Antony Blinken has remarked fondly on how much he enjoyed having a job where he could travel to other countries and tell everyone what to do.

"Yeah, I actually really liked that," said the former Secretary of State while being interviewed on a Washington-area radio program. "Just flying around and telling everyone to fix their problems and whatnot. Good times, good times."

Blinken left his position in the Biden administration after the President assured everyone the Israel-Hamas conflict was over. Blinken remembered how enjoyable it was to lecture other nations. "I just love telling people how to live their lives, you know? I was the best at it! I'd take a sip of my green tea — I love green tea by the way, I also listen to African jazz fusion — and I'd say something like 'the US, in its infinite wisdom, thinks you should totally stop that war,' and they'd just listen, you know? What a great job that was."

The former top diplomat is reportedly getting settled back into a normal life, although he worries that Noah, the sax player for the jazz-fusion group that he jams with, is in over his head with his new fiancée. "There's just no way that guy should be engaged - his last girlfriend was nuts, and we all know that grapes don't fall far from the tree. We've talked about it as a group, and since I was so good at telling countries how to run themselves, the guys want me to tell Noah how to run his life. What a silly notion! I'm just a humble jazz guitarist and Middle East peace broker."

At publishing time, Blinken had set a reminder in his phone to tell jazz bandmate and drummer Guillermo Cortijo to use more Paraadiddle Diddle beats.