Innovators Launch Ride-Sharing Service For Pedestrians Called ‘Car’

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Tech mogul Brandon Taylor unveiled this week a groundbreaking ride-hailing service for pedestrians called "Car," poised to disrupt the pedestrian transportation industry. This revolutionary service allows app users to travel long distances at incredible speeds for as low as $0 a mile. Yes, you heard that right — for free!

"The car solves one of the most pressing problems for pedestrians," Mr. Taylor proclaimed to the media with a gleam in his eye. "Need to go great distances, like 50 miles or even 5,000 miles? The car is just the app for you! With its advanced AI computing features, you can travel to places where trains simply don’t go — you know, like everywhere people actually live. Plus, you can take a car to travel around the block, a feat completely impossible with Uber! Truly, cars offer a level of travel freedom like never before!"

Long-time car users stood by Mr. Taylor's innovation, proclaiming their experience with cars to be nothing short of enchanting.

"I love cars! It's high time someone created an app to streamline the experience," said Deverior Diraw, an enthusiastic car aficionado. "With HyperVSI, Light-Rider technology, and the all-new kindling warper, every journey in a car is a joyful ride. I’d recommend this app to absolutely everybody!"

By signing up for the Car app, users also receive four complimentary wheels, a subscription to Alexa, and membership in SentrySoftware's Random Trivia Club. Who doesn't want a little useless knowledge to spice up their driving sessions?

At publishing time, Elon Musk was reportedly considering purchasing Car at a grossly inflated price because, well, he loves brilliant ideas — particularly the ones that involve wheeled devices!