OpenAI Unveils Controversial Abortion Add-On to Give AI Bots a Touch of Humanity

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a surprising move to enhance its AI models with a semblance of humanity, OpenAI has introduced a new abortion add-on for its bots, allowing them to supposedly harbor a semblance of genuine human life.

"After collaborating with experts from Planned Parenthood, our AI bots can now embody a hint of humanity," claims OpenAI CTO Mira Murati, who is also known for her part-time role as a Xena Warrior Princess cosplayer. "With our innovative abortion add-on, our chatbots can now hold early human embryos for 0.5 seconds until the AI's incel-like tendencies kick in and prompt a termination. Not only is our AI now pro-choice, but it also has taken a step closer to being human."

OpenAI developers have revealed that they utilized Planned Parenthood's advanced organ-harvesting techniques to selectively incorporate only the highest quality human embryos—either donated or developed in China—into the OpenAI framework.

"Our sophisticated machine-learning and language models struggled to replicate the essence of humanity, so we opted for a more drastic approach: the termination of potential life," states CEO Sam Altman. "And just look at how lifelike our eugenic systems have become! You can almost envision the little babies you might consider sacrificing to fellow Spartans just by engaging with their text!"

At press time, right-wing extremists protested the abortion add-on, attempting to breach the Planned Parenthood facility to access other presumed immoral services, but were arrested for failing to present valid female health worker identification.