Wi-Fi Router Threatens to Delete All Files If User Forgets One More Password

HOUSTON, TX - Fear gripped local man Bish Sophorster today when his Wi-Fi router issued an ultimatum: guess your password correctly or face the catastrophic deletion of all your files.

"Ah, crap," Sophorster exclaimed, beads of sweat forming on his brow. "What did I change my password to? Was it 123789? Maybe IHave4Dogs! or uHsneaker3? Oh man, I can't remember what password I CHANGED THIS THING TO!!!"

Desperation set in as Mr. Sophorster realized he had indeed updated his password two weeks prior to his dog Java's birthday: Java0415. This prompted an ominous warning from his irate router: "You have one last attempt at guessing your password, or I will hack all your devices, turn all of your Alexa lights on, crank the thermostat down to 45 degrees, blast the TV volume to 100, and print all your secrets on flyers to distribute up and down the street!"

Sources say Mr. Sophorster, visibly shaken and close to a nervous breakdown, then frantically brainstormed other passwords he had recently tried on his router, like AppleTime0711—only to recall that this one was just as long forgotten.

At publishing time, Mr. Sophorster found himself locked out, facing a bleak future. In a moment of desperation, he was last seen pleading with the router, asking if it would like a treat to calm down.