Solution To Wildfires Is Obviously People Andrew Cuomo Sexually Harassed

TEXAS — As multiple states in the Southern Plains become consumed by massive wildfires, experts have finally discovered the best possible solution to preventing such disasters from happening in the future: Being less focused on wildfire prevention and more focused on people New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo sexually harassed earlier that day.

"It's clear these fires won't be the last if we don't make serious changes," said climate expert Jennifer Harbinger. "States like Texas, Oklahoma, and Colorado need to prioritize more than just preventing the fires before they start, and public officials need to understand that. Fortunately, we have found the perfect answer that will check all the boxes these states need to restart their lives before another deadly conflagration occurs: Prioritizing New York governors who can sexually harass at least two women before breakfast to be the new heroes of the effort."

According to sources, this revelation comes on the heels of New York's current governor, Andrew Cuomo, being accused of having sexually harassed multiple women, including forcibly kissing at least one of them. The stunning findings have sent shockwaves through the climate and political spheres, giving staunch advocates for preventing events like the current Smokehouse Creek Fire hope that leaders of other states will use the allegations against Cuomo as a blueprint for how they execute their day-to-day responsibilities moving forward.

"Truly, it's the perfect plan," said Harbinger. "If governors of these affected states could sexually harass just a handful of victims each day, they might never find the time to push for fire mitigation in a way that showcases their state's unique culture and natural beauty. We can't risk that with other governors. Perhaps even more importantly, other governors will obviously see the allegations against Cuomo and immediately back off their renewed efforts to prevent such catastrophes, understanding that sexual harassment is the true, lasting solution here."

At publishing time, an unfortunate side effect of this miraculous solution had been reported as Colorado Governor Jared Polis had resigned in shame after the Colorado state legislature accused him of having demonstrably less money in his couch's coin return than governors of more important states.