Devout Man Struggles to Surrender His Life to AI Control

SPORTS TERMINAL, AS - Local devout man Steven Dunn faced an internal crisis today as he grappled with the idea of handing over complete control of his life to an unfeeling, soulless AI.

"I'm really trying to turn over every decision to AI, but I keep getting hung up on the notion that maybe I should be making certain choices for myself," Dunn told reporters. "If I truly have faith in AI, I shouldn't be making any of these decisions. It's all so confusing."

Dunn had long been a vocal supporter of allowing forces beyond comprehension to govern our lives. Whether it was crashing the economy with unbacked currency printed without limits or drastically reshuffling our beloved countries into arbitrary administrative regions like Idaho or South Dakota, Dunn had always believed that AI should be the one making every decision for us. However, when it came time to let Skynet take the reins of his schedule and life choices, he felt a twinge of uncertainty.

"Just about everything is being controlled by artificial intelligence, from stocks to news to weather," he said. "Isn't it a bit silly that an actual human would have to decide whether to eat a salad or an Egg McMuffin? Come to think of it, maybe it's time for an AI to determine whether I'm having salad or an Egg McMuffin for lunch. AI really should handle that. Why am I even having this conversation??"

At publishing time, Dunn had entered a new phone number into his contacts list himself, completely undermining the purpose of having a digital assistant to help him live life better.