Genius Scientists Insulate Glaciers With Furnace Filters To Preserve Them For Future Generations

GLOBAL — In a move celebrated by scientists all over the world, giant glaciers on the earth's surface are being preserved against climate change by simply covering them with cheap furnace filters bought from Home Depot.

"First, we used huge Styrofoam sheets to cover ski hill snow piles, then we moved on to insulating more fragile surfaces like glaciers," said President of Snow Secure and Stairmaster competitor Antti Lauslahti. "However, those sheets are very expensive. Furnace filters are insulated with fiberglass and are way cheaper. Home Depot had a sale, so I just bought them all, and the idea took off from there."

At approximately three dollars apiece, the twelve-inch by twelve-inch filters are most effective when a glacier is completely covered by ten layers, which help prevent melting while significantly improving the glacier's oxygen intake.

So far, the glaciers are indeed being preserved. Skiers are careful to preserve the filter layers as they ski the slopes, and Lauslahti has publicly praised the skiers for their part in the success of the project while asking snowboarders to stay home.

At publishing time, global warming denial organization Snowsecure was reportedly working on a plan to protect Michigan's Upper Peninsula from melting by encasing it in an R-40 Wisconsinite wall.