Gamers Bewildered by Abundance of Portable Gaming Devices, Still Miss Game Boy

In a shocking twist that no one could have possibly seen coming, portable gaming has made a triumphant return, leaving gamers both elated and utterly confused. Gone are the days when the only decision was whether to buy Pokémon Red or Blue—now, it's a complex web of platforms, control schemes, and battery life that requires a PhD in tech to navigate.

Valve’s Steam Deck, which apparently started this handheld renaissance, has given birth to a slew of competitors that range from 'pretty okay' to 'so bad it might actually be an elaborate prank.' Despite this, gamers are thrilled to finally have 'options,' which is tech-speak for 'we're not sure which one won't catch fire in your hands.'

Of course, none of these new devices can hold a candle to the Game Boy, the original king of portable gaming, which somehow still works even though it last saw a charger in 1998. Gamers everywhere are digging through closets, hoping to find their old friend, only to be disappointed when they realize they have to blow into the cartridge slot 37 times to get Tetris to boot up.

So, what's the moral of this story? It turns out that no matter how advanced technology gets, nothing will ever compare to the joy of slapping AA batteries into a brick and hearing that iconic 'ping.'