Man Perplexed By Migraines Flaring Up Due to Barometric Pressure Changes

CLIFTON, NJ — In a baffling turn of events, one Clifton man is trying to understand why his headaches suddenly intensify every time the weather takes a nosedive, leading to a mild case of existential dread.

Local resident Aaron Ackerman has battled migraines for most of his life, yet is continually stumped by their mysterious connection to fluctuations in atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperature. He struggles to wrap his mind around how something as fundamental as oxygen levels could wreak such havoc on his skull—and by extension, his overall mood.

Sources close to Ackerman confirm that the forty-three-year-old has been lost in thought for days, grappling with the myriad complex neurological processes at play within the human body. He has expressed a quiet frustration over his inability to locate any evidence suggesting that humans are merely meaningless biochemical robots, devoid of purpose or ultimate destiny.

"Ah, man, why does it always happen when storms roll in? The barometric pressure must be messing with the fluid in my inner ear or something, but it just doesn’t add up," Ackerman lamented. "Why would a simple, pointless piece of evolved goo like me care about storm systems, anyway? It's almost like God designed each organism with purpose and intent. But that can’t possibly be true. That would imply something beyond mere science, and I’d better leave that thought aside before it prompts me to confront the reality of a higher power. You are just a bag of chemicals, Aaron!"

At publishing time, Ackerman had entirely dismissed the notion that his migraines could be linked to his mind's attempts to reconcile with an accountability he senses toward a higher power.