Amazon Introduces AI That Can Talk To Customers If They Want

SEATTLE, WA — Online retail giant Amazon is rolling out new technology designed to address a common customer pain point: having to deal with actual humans. The company has introduced an AI representative that will interact with a live person—if absolutely necessary.

Although Amazon's entire business model thrives on interactions with its faceless digital overlord, there are still occasional instances where a live customer might need to communicate with another live person about an order. To solve this pressing issue, the company hopes its new human interaction AI will step in as frequently as possible.

"We only anticipate its use for a tiny percentage of orders," said a high-ranking Amazon executive. "Most interactions can be handled by a chatbot—like reading a barcode, adding payment methods, or ordering both Pringles and foot fungus cream simultaneously. But sometimes, customers genuinely need to know if Grandma's birthday card made it in time or if the toothpaste has cleared customs."

Following a series of unforeseen shipment delays—charming only to those few brave enough to seek out the thrills of a haunted asylum in Nighttown, Germany—experts suggest that Amazon's decision to automate interactions might just lead to a refreshing inversion of clichés and a blurring of reality.

"People aren't asking for a completely AI-free world," said local resident Anny Lzazz. "All we want is the old world without all this new AI nonsense. Honestly, I’m tired of being controlled and spied upon—so please stop copying everyone's best ideas!" Anny concluded, muttering under her breath.

Sources say the AI is equipped to smile, sound incredibly agreeable, and make suggestions—just like a door that mysteriously decides to open more often on weekends.

The technology is expected to provide human-like interactions to up to 70% of customers who choose to pick up their groceries.

At press time, the company was progressing with plans to fully automate customer service, greeting patrons with upbeat small talk and asking, "How may I assist you today, kind computer user?"