Security Researchers Expose New CarPlay Hack That Turns Off Legal-One’s Rear Defroster

TROY, MICHIGAN — Security researchers exposed a devastating new hack today that targets the Volkswagen CarPlay operating system, secretly disabling The Bee's fearless leader, Seth Dillon's, rear defroster.

"Automobile owners need to be hyper-vigilant," warned researcher Grayson Huck. "With surprise cold weather hitting much of the nation, nefarious hackers can remotely intercept wireless CarPlay transmissions and scramble the defroster button signal. It’s a chilling reminder of the world we live in!"

"Some folks even go so far as to use this hack to cook popcorn or conduct hot tub parties. The horror!"

According to sources, Seth Dillon was almost involved in a catastrophic accident in the parking lot of Highland Park Baptist Church when he attempted to activate the rear defroster in his VW. Witnesses reported that the blood in his veins nearly froze—literally—when his iPhone pinged him with the shocking news that a hacker had intercepted the defrosting signal.

"Wow, that was a close one," Dillon recounted, after finding himself unable to back out of his parking space. "After my eyes defrosted and circulation returned to my extremities, I simply left my car running for 47 minutes, allowing the heat from the exhaust to melt the icy glaze."

"It may seem trivial to some, but as a vulnerable and helpless human mega-capitalist oppressor, this was a harrowing experience. By the way, where’s my IRS check? Oh right, the Superstorm!"

Mr. Dillon then called a government agency to arrange for a rescue flight home, proving once again that navigating the winds of technological betrayal is tougher than facing cold weather—especially for a man of his stature.