Congress Passes Bill Mandating Ownership Of At Least One Hyundai Per Household

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has left the nation both amused and bewildered, Congress passed a measure this week mandating that every American household must own at least one Hyundai.

The controversial legislation sailed through after lawmakers agreed to momentarily distract themselves from the other chaotic happenings in Congress.

"I for one find this incredibly troubling," said Utah Senator Mitt Romney, who paradoxically voted in favor of the bill. "But at least it's not another discussion about my hair!"

Dubbed "The No One Will Ever Conquer Us Act," the bipartisan bill requires each American family to purchase a vehicle from the Korean automaker Hyundai. The legislation also instructs families to cancel any pending orders for Tesla Cybertrucks, asserting that America "doesn't need your decadent future-vehicle elitism anymore." In an enthusiastic forum on Hyundai's website, South Korean President Yoon Suk-yeol proclaimed the bill "a WIN for the WHOLE FAMILY!" and assured drivers of the unparalleled freedom a Hyundai can provide.

While the American Automobile Association protested the bill, labeling it government overreach, surprisingly, several Tesla owners expressed support.

"You know, so many people used to give me the finger for driving a Taycan 4S," chuckled Senator John Garfield of Virginia. "But now it's like being the head of a social club! Ha!"

At publishing time, Congress had allocated over $400 in family credits for gas, acknowledging that none of the mandated cars can go more than 23 miles on a single charge.