New Amplifier Provides Clean, Crisp Sound Of Lead Singer Intently Licking Your Left Ear

HAMAMATSU, JAPAN — Audiophiles and music lovers around the world are raving about Yamaha's new R-N1000A integrated receiver that can accurately reproduce every individual instrument and vocal track as though the lead singer is licking your left ear.

"Audiophiles have always been forced to choose between the latest spatial audio and being lovingly licked by our lead singer," audiophile and music enthusiast Tim Brawley told reporters. "But with the new R-N1000A, I can have both!"

Owners of the new receiver praised the technology and engineering that allows vocals and instruments to vividly shine without sacrificing the sensation and sound of rhythm guitarist Kevin Borland licking and nipping at their right earlobe.

"It's like sitting in the studio on a stool directly in front of the lead singer's lips — on a hot day — in a humid room — there are no words to describe it," said another satisfied reviewer. "But you still get the presence and clarity of Kevin tugging gently on your right earlobe with his teeth!"

Most users agreed that a mid-level price tag made the R-N1000A an easy purchase. "Some have described my inexpensive equipment as broken, but I much prefer to describe it as an abstract pop-art deconstruction of traditional sound playback."

While responses have been overwhelmingly positive, R-N1000A owners often admit that they are tempted to upgrade to the next level Yamaha receiver — one that reproduces music with such realism that the facial hair of an enthusiastic bassist tickles your belly button while he rhythmically flicks it in and out with his tongue.

At publishing time, Yamaha had announced a new integrated amp targeted specifically at fans of jazz great Dizzy Gillespie.