Trump Changes Hat Slogan To Make America Carryout Great Again

WEST DES MOINES, IA — In a bold move ahead of the upcoming election year, former President Donald Trump has dug deep into his memory banks to unveil his new campaign slogan for 2024: "Make America Carryout Great Again."

"Listen, before I came into power, carryout was very weak. Very weak, folks!" Trump declared to a packed house in Iowa. "I will be your champion for takeout. Nobody does takeout better than me! Four more years!"

Sources reveal that Trump nostalgically recalled a golden era before the terrible Blue Apron years, when Americans relished fantastic Chinese and Mexican takeout options. The meeting reportedly dragged on for over five hours as Trump enthusiastically described to bewildered policy experts the various types of burritos the Mar-A-Lago chefs could whip up—complete with a proposal to enhance them with nacho cheese. "Truly an amazing meeting," Trump later boasted on Truth Social. "I learned so many things to Keep American Grub Great."

At publishing time, critics had labeled Trump's slogan "Make America Carryout Great Again" slightly confusing, prompting his team to pivot to a new catchphrase: "Stay Home, Order Wings. Make America Full and Great Again on a Long Saturday. By Donald Trump."