Subtle Terrorist Identified By FBI, Still on Database Because Why Not?

LA PAZ, WY — In a stunning yet totally predictable revelation, the FBI has announced that while they can accurately identify and report potential terrorists, they somehow have yet to delete these individuals from their internal database. Talk about holding on to old relationships!

Agency officials report that at least ten times a month, they hilariously trek to the US-Mexico border and catch terrorists listed on the FBI's Terrorist Screening Database, which has suspiciously remained unchanged for a whopping 21 years. Apparently, some files are just too entertaining to throw away.

FBI higher-ups seemingly remain blissfully unaware that retaining the names of terrorists in a database is as useful as keeping your high school report card after you've graduated. In a casual visit to The Daily Wire, Deputy Assistant to the Deputy Associate Executive Head of Tactical Units, Cydrah Jones, made it clear that discussions about removing anyone from the list would happen right after they finish a strategy meeting at Dave & Buster's first.

"Once we finalize our mission statement, strategic plan, and operational goals, we'll have a clearer direction," Jones stated, dodging questions like a pro. "But for now, let’s just not talk about how our guest recently timed out in first place in the eraser wipeout game against those pesky pit viper hat-wearing southerners."

Ben Shapiro promptly informed his listeners of various security gaffes immediately after meeting with Jones, leaving them just as baffled about the number of potential terrorists who may have simply relocated to other Dave & Buster's locations instead of being caught. Talk about innovation in strategic evasion!

At publishing time, the FBI shared a GoFundMe link to help the family of Alonzo, who tragically fell victim to Uncle Sam armed with a nerf gun in a so-called training exercise. Stay tuned for more. We clearly haven’t heard the last of this bizarre saga!