Meta Unveils New VR Technology That Senses When You're Being Racist

"Meta Quest 3 takes mixed reality to a whole new level, featuring color passthrough cameras, advanced touch sensors, and a highly advanced AI chip that detects your internal animosity toward people of different races," said Meta's Reality Labs CEO, Vishal Shah. "Our powerful sensors can tell if you're harboring hate when you encounter a virtual person of another ethnicity. If that happens, the fun ends!"

Insider sources reported that as soon as the Quest 3 goggles were handed to initial beta testers, the company kicked into high gear, tracking all their data in an unprecedented move. "Whoa, extreme HR violation at the lake!" exclaimed Meta Vice President Jeremy Fass, pointing at the tracking screen that showed a user dropping racial slurs after playing with a Latinx boy who kindly asked for his name.

"End session for Mark!" Vishal declared excitedly, showcasing the immense volume of hateful interactions the sensors were recording. He displayed a giant screen filled with streams of flagged words: White, police, crime, sons of Israel, landlord, Jordan Peterson.

Reports confirmed that there was no actual VR game involved; instead, the goggles created an endless 3D environment populated by avatars of various races, all saying, "Hello, welcome," just to see how users would react. "This detector is a HUGE improvement over outdated technology that relied on auto-censoring problematic terms. The old system just replaced words with n-[redacted] n-[redacted] n-[redacted]," said the CEO, who clarified he was only trying to demonstrate the effectiveness of the new censoring technology.

At publishing time, it appeared everyone had said something racist—everyone except Mark Zuckerberg, who then performed an eerie "Heil Hitler" double-arm salute and smiled creepily at the giant screen showcasing everyone's cringe-worthy VR racism test results.

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