Voting Investigation Uncovers Mass Mis-spelling Madness: Thousands of 'Demarcats' Ballots Found

WASHINGTON, DC — An investigative team has uncovered evidence of apparent voter fraud after intercepting thousands of ballots filled out for mysterious entities like "Demarcats" and "Rapublekans."

The investigation began when officials found odd misspellings scattered across fill-in-the-blank style ballots, raising more than a few eyebrows:

Senate: John Fettermin

President: Dollid Trump

Fraymite Law: Yes

Assalt Rifles: No

Campaign Donations: Bernie, Beeto, Ducey Bankz

Sell Fone Numba: 876-5309

"The evidence speaks for itself," said retired FBI Director Robert Mueller, who personally led the investigation. "All submitted results of any illiterate ballot should be considered illegitimate, much like a coupon for 'buy one, get one free' expired three years ago."

Political strategists are already swooping in to capitalize on this newfound goldmine of dubious democracy. The official Biden campaign is reportedly re-launching with the catchy slogan of "Joseph Bidun" while Trump is considering a rebranding to "Donald Tromp" for the 2024 election.

In a shocking turn of events, at publishing time, the Mensa Club voted unanimously to keep Donald Derrump off the membership rolls, citing concerns over literacy skills.