DOJ To Investigate White House’s Desperate Bid For Nobel Peace Prize

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, the Department of Justice has launched an investigation into the Biden Administration's seemingly desperate attempt to snag a Nobel Peace Prize.

"We're not sure how they did it, but we're committed to uncovering the shady lengths the Biden White House went to in their ill-fated quest for the Peace Prize," said one DOJ official. "If you look hard enough, you might find someone who read a book about Peace Prizes at the library. And since that library is public access, we can assume the whole White House was in on this nefarious scheme. This is truly a dark day for democracy!"

Reports indicate that President Biden, upon hearing that former President Trump was in the running for the prestigious accolade, made some frantic calls to secure one for himself. "I won the Nobel Peace Prize? Really?" Biden reportedly exclaimed into the phone while clutching a piece of cheese. "I get a nickel too? Well hot diggity dong, I guess heaven is real after all!"

As the DOJ struggled to uncover any leads from the wiretaps, the investigation spiraled into chaos, potentially involving thousands of previously uninvolved government workers in a hunt for answers. Sources say morale among government employees has never been higher, with many now pinning hopes on a potential new job title: 'Professional Prize Investigator.'

At publishing time, the DOJ confirmed they were exploring the wild theory that an intergalactic award ceremony mistakenly tossed a Nobel Peace Prize onto the White House lawn, further complicating their inquiry.