Apple Phones Start Speaking In Sassy Janelle Monae Voice After Update

CUPERTINO, CA — Following the iOS 17 update, Apple users immediately began noticing their devices had begun communicating in the sassy voice of singer Janelle Monae.

"Yay or nay? I'm at the house mercenaries!" read one iPhone's screen while playing the Janelle Monae speaking voice trigger phrase "Call mom!" "Oh no you didn't! You're calling me at this hour? You better have a REALLY good reason, girl!" chided another phone.

"Apple prides itself on creating a more personal user experience with every update," Apple CEO Tim Cook said. "That's why we enlisted the talents of multiple Grammy Award nominee Janelle Monae as the voice of our latest iPhone operating system. You'll never feel alone. Your phone will practically be your sassy best friend!"

Apple prompted Janelle Monae to record herself answering thousands of phone prompts, FaceTime messages, Siri prompts, and GPS commands. Users report the sounds of her voice brighten their days with clever commentary and cutting remarks.

"Wow girl, you lost a little weight since the last time I saw you! Let's see your shoes. I heard they're the new Chuck Taylors! Are you still eating vegan? You just look amazing! So like what did you and Aaron talk about when I left the room at my birthday party? He's such a little jerk, I can't believe I invited that loser! But girl, it's your party and you can do what you want!" said iPhone owner April Dyer.

Several users reported a slight bug that caused some iPhones to delete photos of their ex-boyfriends and text short, passive-aggressive messages like "Whatever, do what you want!" at random intervals.

At publishing time, Apple confirmed the Janelle Monae voice input would not be available on phones sold to AT&T customers because, and we quote, "You people aren't on our level."