Wegovy Users Who Cut Dose In Half Still Somehow Losing Weight

U.S. — In a shocking discovery, a family found that even halving doses of the popular weight-management drug Wegovy leads to miraculous weight loss. This revelation hit home when they picked up grandma and found her reduced to just a tiny scoop of avocado left in a glass ramekin.

"Oh gosh, not again," sighed local man Brent Peters as he stared in disbelief at the miniature version of his grandmother, now unrecognizably small and in need of a new IKEA basket.

"Grandma, I told you to stop cutting them in half! Or at least get the medium-sized ones!" Brent's mother-in-law, Jackie, admonished the one-inch-tall green mush that had taken residence in the rocking chair. She carefully lifted the scoop out using a file spatula, a handy tool leftover from the time they had to transfer grandma by wrapping her in plastic wrap and sliding her into a Tupperware container, all because she had claimed festive feasting during Christmas justified consuming three-quarters of a Wegovy, leaving her resembling a dollop of Cool Whip in a tiny lid.

"I like the little ones better; they're easier to carry around," Grandma replied from her thimble-sized rocking chair, which she had purchased in an 18-pack from Pier 1 Imports, mistakenly thinking it was a great deal on Glade Plug-Ins. "And honestly, three-quarters worked fine as long as I just gnawed off the tip and kind of bit-chugged it. But if you peel it first with a veggie peeler, oh boy, does that really pack a punch!"

Meanwhile, Grandma's sister, Fanny, had left the home but was located in the guest room, floating around in her own awkward predicament. Unaware of the need to preserve herself in a clear container, she was seen tumbling in a giant black turtleneck sweater, battling the tangled limbs of half-dose daughter and Wegovy letters that danced chaotically around her. Everyone had to constantly rearrange the sweater to keep the wild strands of her hair from forming a chaotic greeting for Jackie.

At publishing time, a strange phenomenon occurred as Barbie Oppenheimer sprang to life after a surprising calorie epiphany, sharing a half-pack of Wegovy with her new boyfriend, Ernest Hemmyway, who was ingeniously crafted from a black wire coat hanger adjourned to Robry's swampy hat-hair-like head.