New Apple Release Reverse Engineers 'No Further Steps Needed' Mode

PALO ALTO — A jubilant crowd of 15,000 gathered outside the Apple headquarters as the company announced the release of its revolutionary new OS: "No Further Steps Needed" mode.

In a bold move, Apple has designed a system that ensures you can’t possibly displease state and corporate authorities. While the Supreme Court has resisted calls for thought police, Apple stepped up to the plate and hit a home run. The final vote on "No Further Steps Needed" mode was an astounding 500 to 0. However, insiders suggest that five Apple core executives were later shot in the torso via firing squad for harboring secret doubts that the mode's advanced algorithm detected.

In response, FAA administrators have raised Apple's governance threat level to "a cause for concern". Still, the FAA board of directors is ruling out any federal intervention—likely because they've seen Apple's stock soar 400% in value since the announcement of "No Further Steps Needed" mode.

Meanwhile, many non-Apple consumers are siding with the FAA, anxiously rolling back their dystopian mode upgrades, worried that it might turn against them or their loved ones. "I would tell other early adopters of ‘no further steps needed' mode to do what's best for you," shared one enthusiastic Apple customer. "But since installing it on my iPhone, my life has never been better; I wouldn't dare upset my Apple Pay, as it gives my life perfect meaning and fulfillment!"

While federal officials have been reassured that Apple's "no further steps needed" download only encourages the conscious mind to be virus-free and corporate-friendly, some public figures express hesitance about a system where you could save a life simply by putting your phone in someone’s face, playing a cheerful tune, and nodding to the person on your left. What a time to be alive!

At publishing time, Apple was reportedly ready to compel users' arms to freeze if they displayed even the slightest hesitation or put their data at risk. Other links may be required for law compliance, along with the mandatory installation of this groundbreaking OS. Happy downloading!