Accountability Group For Men Introduced In California Immediately Solves Every Problem In The State In Just One Meeting

SACRAMENTO, CA — Less than sixty minutes after being unveiled by California Governor Gavin Newsom, a new accountability group exclusively for men completely solved every problem in the state in one meeting.

Newsom initially welcomed the group with words of encouragement. "I hope you will all do your best to try to come up with ideas and actions the state can take to work on our behalf," Newsom said as the meeting began. "I don't know how much you can do, but anything you can provide would help. I'm not confident you'll get anywhere, though, seeing as you're all missing a critical perspective due to not having any women in the group. I'm afraid you'll be limited in what you can accomplish."

The new group, made up of men from a variety of backgrounds and industries, nodded graciously at the Governor's remarks before setting to their task. Less than an hour later, Newsom was summoned back to the group to be informed that homelessness, poverty, crime, hunger, reckless drug use, destructive wildfires, inflation, and hazardous weather systems had been completely eradicated. "We all just talked it out and, wouldn't you know it, all of California's problems are now solved," one group member said. "No biggie."

Witnesses reported seeing Governor Newsom's jaw drop and tears well up in his eyes. "I don't believe it," he said. "It's almost like focusing on men and empowering them to take action is a powerful boon to society as a whole. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that men could quickly and efficiently make the entire world a better place. Must be pure coincidence."

Though every single crisis in California was thoroughly remedied, Newsom later disregarded the results of the meeting to go have dinner with his wife, as he hadn't shared a meal with a woman since before the meeting had begun and was getting a little peckish.

At publishing time, Newsom's wife Jennifer qualified as she had previously identified as a cow.