Repurposed Amazon Delivery Drones Used For Neighborhood Surveillance

CITYVILLE, USA — In a not-so-surprising twist of suburbia, homeowner Jim Bradley discovered a novel use for Amazon's newly rolled-out delivery drones: neighborhood surveillance. After Amazon announced their plan to deploy thousands of drones to ensure every customer receives their items within 30 minutes, Bradley got creative.

"Look at him — a MANIFESTOR!" Bradley shouted at his neighbor Mark Wilkins, who was innocently mowing his lawn. "Hey you... are you a union golfer?" Bradley continued, wildly gesturing. "I NEVER ORDERED A PACKAGE! YOU SEE THIS?" He pointed at an empty porch in his own yard. "Get out of my neighborhood, you unmasked doordasher!"

Equipped with a special horn designed to intercept drone signals from a safe distance, Bradley was ready to put the buzzing delivery devices to work. "These little bogies can spy on anyone," he claimed proudly. "They come programmed with a special algorithm that lets them identify leftists with a 99.5% accuracy rating. The remaining 0.5%? Mostly just donuts, yoga moms, and the 'Donut Dudes' from ‘Jelly Mark’s Donut Kitchen’. You know exactly what I mean!"

Reports indicate that incidents of right-wing neighborhood surveillance have skyrocketed nationwide since the launch of Amazon's Prime Air delivery system, enabling residents to order their poolside essentials and retrieve them without ever stepping out of the water. After all, why put on pants when you could simply monitor your neighbors through a flying robot?

At publishing time, Bradley and former United States Postal Service Agent Dave Weingarten had apprehended Bradley's neighbor, Kayla Wilkins, as a suspected protestor for merely holding a book at a reading event, proving that sometimes all you need is a drone and a heightened sense of vigilance to turn suburbia into a Star Wars episode.