$40,000 Speaker Company Announces Huge Rebate If You Buy 3,378 Pairs Or More

NEW YORK, NY — Audiophile company Focal announced today they will slash $1,000 off your bill if you buy three thousand three hundred and seventy-eight pairs or more of their $40,000 Utopia Diva wireless speakers.

"This offer won't last—because who knows, someone might actually take us up on it," Focal marketing director Peter Thomas said at a press conference. "We love to see our speakers in cozy living rooms, man caves, or collecting dust in some tech billionaire's storage shed. With a $1,000 rebate on 3,378 pairs, or a staggering $99 off any purchase of 337,800 pairs, there’s simply no excuse for having only fourteen hundred of the world's finest audiophile speakers for your personal use. Go ahead, add five thousand more to your collection—you absolutely deserve it!"

Reports indicate that no one has yet taken advantage of this remarkable opportunity.

"This may seem like a ludicrous pitch, but what most people don’t know is that Focal has already sold this many speakers once before," CEO Pierre Ciorf said. "We once delivered 4,000 units to Elon Musk so each of his new baby bots could listen to a different track."

At publishing time, sources revealed that Trump had begun using the return policy to strategically place a pair of Focal speakers in every home in America. "Once you hear more clearly, you LOVE Trump!" he reportedly said.