Nation's Empty Offices Already Starting Their Transition Into Hot Apartments

Throughout the nation's most bustling downtown areas, eerie and desolate office spaces are at this very moment beginning their silent and shadowy transition into trendy hot apartment complexes.

"It's already starting," said real estate developer Joel Hirsch, staring forlornly down the long, colorless and neon-lit hallway of a soon-to-be-former downtown Dallas office building. "The offices know their time as just regular, run-of-the-mill office spaces is over. They're taking down the outdated art of vaguely foreign landscapes, they've propped open all the doors leading into the stairwells, and they're even ordering fast internet and a bunch of craft beers. Before we know it, these offices will be hip living spaces called something like 'The Lofts at Cedar Commerce, please call them Shelb and not Shelly.'"

Already, thousands of the now-groovy apartment complexes have been born, leaving city residents grappling with the new urban landscape of vital, populated offices next door to the Penthouse Offices now occupied by a couple of cool, laid-back electric companies.

"There's no milk in the fridge, but there's milk in the fridge, man," reported one downtown resident from his vantage looking out over the balcony of the balcony of the cool apartment, as he decides whether to take his job as a vital law office that seriously today or maybe just chill and let someone else handle it. "Also, all hot women in the atrium at a party tonight, danceable vibes only."

At publishing time, sources had confirmed the apartments were beginning to feel like they may have made a mistake in signing a lease as they were now slated to host an important summit between two international policy summits later this afternoon.