Parastronaut John McFall Ready to Take on the Universe, One Leg at a Time

In an unprecedented move that left even the most stoic of astronauts reaching for their frosty helmets, John McFall was seen parading with the flag at the 2024 Paralympics, leaving everyone to wonder if he's secretly planning a sprint right to the moon. For McFall, the sky's not the limit; it's merely a stepping stone to another world.

Aside from bagging more medals than he did groceries, McFall’s transition from the track to the cosmos has been anything but ordinary. Despite facing the challenging terrain of space – where using a prosthetic could pose as much of a problem as not having one – McFall's been proving that gravity, like his competitors, is something that doesn’t apply to him.

What’s truly out of this world is the research endeavor named Fly! Certainly not an in-flight magazine, this study details how the absence of two working legs might not exclude McFall from the grand mystery of space exploration. His trials have provided insights so exciting that even NASA is considering swapping out all treadmills for anti-gravity pogo sticks.

Having already mastered being a runner, doctor, and flag-wielding hero, McFall fancies his chance of becoming an astronaut. His reasoning? “If Buzz Lightyear can go to infinity and beyond, why can't I?” True, Buzz might be fictional, but McFall is a testament to turning fiction into fact when it's convenient.

ESA reportedly sees McFall's joyful leap into the galaxy as a symbol of infinite representation, hoping his journey will have a domino effect, encouraging other extraterrestrial enthusiasts wielding prosthetics to give space travel a shot. No surprise there: who doesn't want to witness the first limbo contest in zero gravity?

At publishing time, McFall was seen calculating the precise angle of a javelin throw on Mars – because why simply plant a flag when you can throw it from Earth instead?