Local Man Starts Skydiving Hobby to Find His Lost Cache of Cargo Shorts Somewhere in the Sky

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, CO — Local man Rick Cahn has vowed not to rest until he uncovers what he believes to be a treasure trove of cargo shorts waiting for him somewhere in the sky—a quest that may require thousands of skydiving jumps.

"I know there have to be dozens, if not hundreds, of cargo shorts just floating around in the troposphere," Cahn declared while precariously hanging out of a random Cessna 172 during his hundredth jump of the week. "I've got to keep jumping until I find my prize. It’s bound to be an assortment of shorts in different colors, styles, and maybe even various brands!"

Cahn's obsession began when a popular brand of shorts, which frequently pops up on sale at his local Walmart, tumbled from his plane shortly after takeoff. He estimates that these shorts could withstand the elements for a considerable time before succumbing to the ravages of UV exposure and turning into that unfortunate shredded mess common to polyester fabrics. "I'd guess they should remain intact for a few weeks, if not longer. So I’ve got time," he said.

Sources indicate that his fellow passengers have stopped seeing him—and several classmates—since a two-hour ski flight the previous Sunday. As of this writing, Cahn has successfully made it back to the ground after executing a few mid-air backflips at 10,000 feet, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder and broken arm. He remains determined to perfect his skydiving technique for another chance at scoring the best deals on cargo shorts because the ones he found from his cousin during a family reunion were embarrassingly basic, and he had hoped she would show up alone to keep things less awkward.