AI Voice Software Used To Recreate Woman's Voice So She Can Yell At Kids Again

BOZEMAN, MT — Sarah Vanderbeak is a woman who lives close to several children, and she has been missing her family's beloved matriarch since the day last summer when she lost her ability to yell at kids to get off her lawn. With the advent of stunning new AI tech, however, she'll be able to again belay the sweet sound of grandchildren dueling the neighbor children with sticks and rocks.

"I can't take my eyes off that darned lawn for another day, or it'll be an unholy visage of dandelions, crabgrass, and clover!" said Vanderbeak's husband her husband Beckett, who has learned to keep quiet when his wife is focused on something but not what that something is. "You'll be singing a different tune when it's 'mauve Mondays' for your cousin Elda, my boy! Ugh! I'm going inside! I can't stand to watch you throw that fenball at that boy again!"

With the help of advanced Turing systems able to reproduce even the slightest fluctuations in acoustic frequency and timber, Vanderbeak's family was able to use AI to recreate her voice. It not only provides an authentic vocal timbre but can also reproduce the specific intonations in pitch and enunciation she uses to scold the neighborhood children by name. Future upgrades will include her trademark wheeze, a bit of gravel from that pack-a-day habit she picked up in high school, and the slight unevenness from the time rabid dog bit her in the throat.

"Now get the heck off my lawn, dammit!"

Beckett dutifully pressed the 'play' button on the small plastic box and the family stared longingly and gratefully at the thoughtfully engraved brass plaque that read: 5000 machine hours compiled by Alfred E. Hartman – 1983-1984, the only type of scolding worth having around anymore.

Sarah Vanderbeak is already researching voice donation to and an equity share in Google Map's AI car navigation so she might give directions on family trips again.

At publishing time, the Vanderbeak family was thrilled he'd count on them in the next cricket offseason to help him get rid of the boat in the garage.