OceanGate CEO Announces Plans to Send Tourists to the Moon in a Sub Made Out of Six Lincoln Logs

EVERETT, WA—OceanGate CEO Stockton Rush made waves at a press conference today by announcing a partnership with NASA and SpaceX to send tourists to the Moon in a submarine constructed from six Lincoln Logs.

"I know everyone was disappointed when we had to cease sending people to the Titanic in our carbon fiber and epoxy sub, but we're now pivoting to an entirely new adventure: traveling to the Moon in a six-piece Lincoln Log sub," said Rush. "This venture is bound to spark your enthusiasm. Each log will be the size of a redwood tree, providing a sealed chamber for guests to resupply during the 10-month journey to and from the Moon."

Ford Lincoln, a daring traveler who previously descended to the ocean's depths to visit the Titanic with OceanGate and lived to tell the tale, has already signed up for the lunar expedition. "I have complete trust in Mr. Rush's genius creations, so I'm thrilled to take to the stars once again," said Lincoln. "Sure, I may have survived by sheer luck when the tiny sub fell apart just 10 feet from the Titanic, allowing me to escape, but I have no fears this time around. Nothing can go wrong with Lincoln Logs. Nothing at all."

Some experts are raising concerns about Rush's plans, insisting there are far more straightforward ways to travel to the Moon than relying on unconventional methods. "We already have rockets capable of safely transporting people to the Moon. Elon [Musk] has been launching those rockets for nearly two years now," said NASA astronaut Buzz Stashweed. "We can easily rent a module for guests to stay in on the Moon for a few days before their safe return to Earth in that same rocket. But hey, it’s not my money, so do whatever you want."

The base price for a lunar trip will be $250,000 per tourist, with an additional $50,000 for a stay in a renovated lava tube adjacent to the Tranquility Base, the historic landing site of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.