Local Kid Excited To Tell Everyone At School That Hot Dogs Have Pink Eye

MISSION VIEJO, CA — In a breakthrough of culinary confusion, local kid Tanner Hilton, 9, was positively bursting with excitement to share a shocking revelation with his classmates: hot dogs have pink eye.

"Today was going to be epic," Tanner declared confidently. "After all the other kids finish their hot dogs, I'm going to drop the bomb that hot dogs have pink eye. Then they’ll either puke, or just freak out – and I’ll probably join in! It’ll be hilarious!"

Determined to add a twist to lunchtime, Tanner passionately narrated his wild theory to anyone who would listen, even if most of his classmates were more interested in eating than hearing him rant about hot dog hygiene.

"Does anyone else want a hot dog?" asked Jackie Fush, 8, nervously eyeing Tanner. "If he keeps talking, I might lose my appetite! Seriously, who wants to hear that?"

But Tanner’s hot dog horror story was too intriguing for most to resist.

"Sounds like he’s having a meltdown, not a meal!" chimed in Brian Supser, 12, while trying to conceal his laughter. "If I were a hot dog, I’d be rolling away!"

As the chaotic lunch hour progressed, Tanner managed to captivate at least one audience member: fellow 3rd grader Karolyn "Kandi" Snoufler.

"The moment I heard hot dogs have pink eye, I just lost it!" she exclaimed, barely holding back her laughter. "Tanner is the king of comedy during lunch!"

At press time, Tanner’s next big reveal involved an outrageous claim that hot dogs used to be tiny horses, and he urged everyone to stay tuned for "The Wild West Meets Weird Lunch Takeover" next week.