Meta Unveils New AI That Can Pull Pictures of Guys Eating Poop Off the Internet Faster Than Ever

MENLO PARK, CA — In a move that has many scratching their heads (and others holding their noses), tech giant Meta has announced a new AI-driven technology designed specifically to locate and eliminate pictures of guys eating poop from the internet faster than ever.

"In today's digital landscape, it's more crucial than ever to eliminate the nonsense alongside the good,” declared CEO Mark Zuckerberg during Meta’s fourth-quarter earnings call. “While we haven't solved all the world's tech problems, we are dedicated to using our powerful resources to find, identify, and permanently ban those filthy photos from our platform. This will enhance the experience of our employees who, let’s be honest, don't want to scroll through that while working."

With a hearty dose of enthusiasm, Meta employee Foresta Perrenpor said, "Our new AI technology isn't just about censorship; it’s about making social media a cleaner space for everyone! Whether you're sharing questionable culinary choices or saddling us with your poor aesthetic decisions, rest assured, we can ban you faster than you can say 'sorry not sorry!' You've been warned, public!"

Upon hearing the news, one particularly disappointed Facebook user—who was only trying to enjoy a late-night plate of leftovers that suspiciously resembled his last culinary disaster—took to the platform to express his frustration. However, his cries for help were quickly silenced as his post and account were promptly banned.

At publishing time, Meta confirmed that all attempts to utilize this cutting-edge AI for locating images of underage individuals to report to law enforcement were as fruitless as the search for dignity among internet trolls.