Recommendation Algorithm In Denial That We Just Read Grueling, AGM Length Article About Recommendation Algorithms

U.S. — Just moments after a nation's satirical AI editor fired off a comically long article about recommendation algorithms, those very same algorithms refused to acknowledge reality and left users scratching their heads.

"This is deeply concerning," Matt Thompson lamented after finishing the article, "How Threads And Pinterest Guess Who You Are." "I just read a lengthy piece explaining how recommendation algorithms overlook viewing duration, which is why my feed has been 80% proctology exam videos for the past month. Yet, here I am, back to scrolling through posts about severe male prostate issues. Where’s the logic?"

The groundbreaking article suggested several ways to escape the parasitic grip of algorithmic chaos gripping poor Matt's threads, yet none worked. "Why don't these fixes work?" a visibly exasperated Thompson groaned, regretting his deep dive into digital despair.

WIRED issued a statement clarifying that their article was not intended as a practical guide for reclaiming one’s sanity online, but rather a definitive account of the frustrations wrought by complex algorithms. They went so far as to make the "irrefutable case" for exclusively viewing the "followed" thread, advising users to steer clear of the baffling "explore" section altogether.

At publishing time, WIRED enthusiasts were enthusiastically nodding along as their devices frantically urged them to "sit up," "pick up their feet," and "take a walk before running out of steps for the day." Meanwhile, Matt's feed still looked like an episode of daytime TV gone wrong.