NASA Announces Plans to Turn Moon Into Giant Fridge for Life on Earth

In a daring move reminiscent of a sci-fi movie delivered straight from an '80s VHS tape, a cohort of scientists have decided that when the planet inevitably becomes an overheated mess, it’s best to look skyward and give life a second chance... on the moon.

Yes, we're talking about a plan so ambitious, it's practically moon cheese. Out of concern that a Norwegian mountain isn't cold enough to safeguard Earth's seeds from the wrath of climate change, the solution is simple: relocate civilization's backup to the moon where fridges are, naturally, much larger. Who knew all those sci-fi movies suggesting the moon was going to be humanity’s next big stepping stone actually meant it as our new freezer aisle?

And it's not just about seeds anymore. This celestial cold locker will include microbes, because, let’s face it, they want to vacation somewhere out of this world too. Scientists promise that the moon’s cryogenic conditions, where 'mechanical things do weird things,' will perfectly preserve our earthly trifles. Because if you can't stop a meteor while sipping a mojito on the moon, are you ever really living?

Of course, this master plan isn't without its fiery competition. The University of Arizona envisions sliding Earth's life's work into cozy lunar lava tubes—a location fabled to have the tranquility of a dorm room fridge on a Wednesday night. The tubes promise the quaint vision of survival, where the biggest challenge isn’t climate change but stopping two pieces of metal from fusing together. Oh joy!

Cost? Like all good things, it's going to burn a hole as deep as those lunar tubes. But fear not, we'll slap a price tag in the billions and toss in 'space tourism' as a convincing angle to hope someone will mortgage half the planet just for bragging rights at cosmic dinner parties.

At publishing time, the bold plan has inspired hope that one day our successors will brag not only about walking on the moon, but also about chilling their dinner salad ingredients there.