10 Early Labor Day Deals That Have Already Got The Workers Screaming For Blood

BOSTON, MA — Best Buy was the scene of a chilling tableau of human suffering and desperation as this year's early Labor Day sale was met with frigid indifference by proletarian workers left immiserated by the exploitative excesses of cruel tyrant bosses.

"Though my boss won't give me a living wage or acceptable working hours, I know he'll give me 30% off select items today!" said one worker, laughing joylessly through his tears.

Best Buy's grim, pre-apocalyptic scene of human suffering, misery, and despair supports the claims of some that justice has yet to be reached for workers. "It appears as though the bosses are still withholding the fruits of their workers' labor and violently quashing any hopes of organized resistance," said Professor of Labor Studies Cade Vasquez. "I would say we're still in need of early Labor Day discounts at Best Buy just to provide a bit of hope to suffering workers."

Inside Best Buy, haunting and chilling scenes of pain-filled wailing and tortured, emotionally dead eyes cast a ghostly pall upon the store's interior. The tortured and human-averse workers sullenly mucked about the sales floor oblivious to a fire that had broken out in the corner of the store.

At publishing time, the fire had been traced to a Lenovo brand laptop spontaneously combusting after its owner powered it on.