Apple Unveils iPhone 15: The Slightest Upgrade You Never Knew You Needed

CUPERTINO, CA — In a blockbuster keynote address this Tuesday, Apple executives wowed tech enthusiasts by unveiling the highly anticipated iPhone 15, featuring such groundbreaking improvements as "marginally better picture quality" than its already iconic predecessor, the iPhone 14.

"It's time for us to show our loyal customers just a smidgen of ingenuity by launching a phone with minimal upgrades, so they'll feel compelled to spend their hard-earned money on a device that looks almost identical to the one they purchased just a year ago," declared Apple CEO Tim Cook during the event. "Bow down to us!"

The leap from the iPhone 14 to the iPhone 15 introduces earth-shattering enhancements like a battery that lasts seven additional minutes and a camera boasting an impressive eight percent increase in resolution.

Just another mundane Tuesday morning Keynote presentation for Apple at its headquarters in Cupertino, CA.

Cook continued, reassuring the audience that Apple will never, under any circumstances, release an iPhone model with dazzling features or significantly higher performance scores than the one that debuted just twelve months before. "We firmly refuse to risk being accused of creating anything more impressive than our previous offerings, given how timidly we operated in years past," he added.

The audience erupted in raucous applause, chanting "Apple, Apple, Apple!" as fans tossed their already purchased iPhones onto the stage in hopes of catching Cook's attention for a free upgrade.

At publishing time, Apple announced the upcoming iPhone 16 — which promises to have hardly any noticeable improvement over the iPhone 15.