Kari Lake Looking Forward To Finding Out How Many Votes She Got This Time

PHOENIX, AZ — Voters and election officials across Arizona are on the edge of their seats, eagerly awaiting the results from a nail-biting governor's race between political newcomer Kari Lake and her eternal rival, Katie Hobbs. With a spirit of uncontainable optimism, Kari Lake proclaimed she was simply “dying” to find out how many votes she would receive this time around.

"Democracy is so exciting!" Lake beamed at supporters during her election day pizza party, sporting a slice in one hand and a hopeful grin on her face.

"We're the only country on earth where I get to find out how many millions of votes the opposition gets to add to their totals, whether they actually have those votes or not! Fingers crossed!"

Political experts, lost in a haze of speculation (and probably a few margaritas), projected that the former news anchor could expect between 10.1 and 10.9 million votes to be mysteriously tallied in favor of her opponent. The consensus? Unprecedented levels of support for democracy, or a very active counting room.

Poll workers later reported that Lake was practically giddy, thrilled to witness the “miracle of democracy” unfold right before her eyes.

As the clock ticked down, Lake had her list in hand, still adamant about checking off "future book dedication" from her campaign win to-do list, should the electoral pixies be kind this time around.