New Study Says Space Station Leak Is Likely Not From Biden’s Border Policy

KENT, WA — After hours of studying the perplexing water leak from the International Space Station, ISS officials have confirmed that it is highly unlikely the breach is due to US-supported open border policies here on Earth.

While the exact source of the leak in the aging orbiting laboratory remains a mystery, American and Russian scientists concluded it is improbable that the water is dripping due to a surge of space illegal aliens overwhelming our planet's defenses. According to the experts, America’s border policy has little effect on the cosmos, but feel free to write your congressperson about it anyway.

"Although we are still in the process of identifying the true culprit behind this leak, it seems almost impossible that it is a direct result of our sub-par border security," one researcher told reporters. "It's very unlikely that the water escaping the ISS is the byproduct of any extraterrestrial immigration activities or the unfortunate fallout of our southern border woes."

Despite employing high-tech equipment and extensive knowledge from both American and Russian scientists, the team remains virtually certain this leak has nothing to do with any failures on Earth, at least not in the way conspiracy theorists might hope.

As of the time of this article, the Biden administration has advised Federal scientists to ensure that any unintended "disastrous consequences of routine border policy malfeasance," such as the ISS water leak, are mathematically proven to have a probability lower than one-in-a-quadrillion. Careful analysis will continue, but for now, it seems space is safe from the messy politics below.