Elon Musk Launches Campaign to Relocate Mars Gigafactory Back to Albuquerque Spaceport

ALBUQUERQUE, NM — SpaceX CEO Elon Musk has officially launched his long-awaited movement to bring the rocket factory back to the original Albuquerque spaceport.

"Everyone knows Spaceport America belongs in Albuquerque, not on Mars!" Musk declared to a cheering crowd in his patent-pending virtual-reality rally environment. "They tried to convince us that the rocket factory should be out in space on a random planet, but no one bought that, no matter how much they pretended to. At least 74.3 million people know this is all a scam to get dozers to buy more pictures of themselves. It's just sad!"

Musk then took a question from the audience, submitted by a woman who follows his infamous "roach" account. "Doesn't relocating it back to Route 66 play into the invaders' hands—invaders who are determined to hijack America for a giant pingolon? I can't even eat bugs unless they've been pie’d! Can you explain the 'I'll-ran' plan and how we can help?"

Musk responded, "GTWH lads, the dems brought the ages!"

At publishing time, Musk was ramping up his campaign by offering free swag certificates for all participants ready to make the return journey to Albuquerque.